#I need to try on all of my clothes and also I hate them
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âAstrology observationsâ
Masterlist
Not a real astrologer just my observations:)
â Aquarius moon femmes tend to be more masculine/tomboyish whether it be their personality or fashion sense they prefer loose fitting clothes. They have this nonchalantness/offstandish energy about them, they also are very sensitive and receptive to energies around them esp after one on one interactions but surprisingly do very well w online interactionsđthey could feel like their personality shines brighter online than irl
â 12th ruler in 7th natal partners could have animosity towards you esp if you prefer men they tend to have secret intentions/lives
â Sagittarius in your natal chart is where you tell the best stories, and gemini can show where others ask for advice/tell their best stories to you(and lowkey try to impress you)
âïž in 1st -you ARE the story, thereâs never a dull moment ,so many memories are made w you, many stories where you had to be reminded that your that GIRL/GUYâš (esp by your guides)
âïž in 8th- they articulate their trauma very well, the ones that talk openly about their abuse, lots of near-death stories, surgery stories that they almost didnât make it out of, thieving stories
âïž in 11th- the type to bring their friends into every situation/story, most likely to do the best story time vids online, their stories can be eye opening for the collective, people love when they predict the future, stories about the future/goals of humanity, evolution stories, stories about you gaining independence(just like 1st)
âïž in 12th- they love to hear about your dreams and conspiracies, they love when you talk about your insecurities and spill your own secrets, your paranormal experiences and things about past lives
âïž in 2nd- they love to tell you how hard they work for their assets, âYou know I havenât told anyone this but I feel like I can trust you.â They donât mind telling you about their illegal activities, people have a tendency to think you took something from them, they come to you for advice on how to approach situations
âïž in 5th- the type to have kids come up to them and all their parents business (4th house also), the best childhood memory stories, people try to impress you w their sex stories , they come to you for advice on sex and love matters also, asking for your opinion w fashion & aesthetics, you make them want to try new thingsđ„”
â Taurus in the 3rd/4th find it hard to leave their family/home
â Sending love out to Venus in Pisces/12th house natals yâall are what fairytales are made ofđ„ș just being in your presence is healing even tho they feel sometimes their deepness and devotion isnât reciprocated at times idk who needed to hear this but your loving energy transcends the physical barriers you could do a lot of energy work on the other side w/o even realizing it esp while sleepingđ§Ą
â I feel bad for Chloe because w that Gemini mars baby everybody always gonna think you doing too muchđ unti you donât do enough & theyâll still be mad
Finding out Lil uzi has a Gemini mars sent međ it reminds of them vids of their security guard trying to keep up w them while they jump all over the placeđșđœ
â Sag moon children mom was in her hoe phase when u were conceived. Partying/traveling/drinking/learning was prominent for her at the time
Venus in natal can show you why others envy you
â in 2nd- they envy how consistently you upkeep yourself, they see how much money you put into yourself to look good, they hate how materially abundant you are, how easily you make money from your talents/assets, they envy your sugar daddy/baby energy
â in 4th- they envy how abundant your family/ancestry is, they envy your mom/your motherly skills, how easily you make a house feel like home, how rich your inner world is, your decoration sense, how easily youâll be remembered after passing/leaving home, how easily you make money from home
â in 8th- they envy how easily others trust you esp w their money & possessions, how beautifully you shed your skin in transformations, sugarbaby placement, how magnetic you are, how easily people become obsessed w you, your way of love making/showing love/spoiling others or vise versa
â in 12th- a lot of people donât even realize that they envy you/ subconsciously send you evil eye, you provoke their hidden desires(this place def has lots of people in their circle wishing on their downfall) they envy how content you are with yourself /and how youâve healed yourself , your music taste
â Prominent Virgo in natal stay cleaning up other peopleâs đ©đ like literally tho at some point in your life youâve had to be some type of caretaker ie. animals, elderly, babies. But đ© is more prominent/consistent in your life
But if ur a pet owner or caretaker in general you know that a lot of times the only way they can communicate whatâs going on w their body Is through their bowel movements so itâs a blessing and a curse cuz itâs not like your obsessed with đ© (unlessđ) but you kinda have to beđ
Aphrodite in Gemini/3rd house natals have contagiously attractive laughs/smiles, delicate hand and arm movements, and beautiful hands and lips
â Every time I have prominent 8th synastry esp moon/mars we always have đ©ž sex eventually đ§đœââïž they be feigning so bad for you that they canât wait a few more days they need it now! But they always end up saying you put a spell on them like no bro u willingly put a spell on YOURSELFđ
â 7th house mercury could attract or prefer younger/pettie people or they are seen as such, also prone to have partners w prominent anxiety
â Eros/mars in Aries/cancer/scorpio in composite charts shows lots of crying during sex but for different reasons
Aries cries because ur f*cking/sucking them so good all they can do is take it like a champ and cry happy tears đ„Č
Cancer cries because you truly touched their soulđ„ș they never thought sex could be this satisfying and comforting at the same time (healing sex like Pisces)
With scorpio itâs kinda a mixture of both w sprinkles of trauma bondingâš
â Venus in 8th synastry- adoring eachothers beauty marks esp the house person @ Venus , the house person usually adores the Venusâs insecurities/stuff about themselves that they never picked up on which gives the Venus person a new prospective of their beauty
â Mercury synastry can tell you how you were first introduced/heard of each other
âż in 8th- meeting while/before going through a transformational/traumatic period in your life, you could have problems w people owing you money or vise versa, catalyst for spiritual & sexual growth, meeting before/after having a major surgery
âż in 9th- meeting through college/highschool,being introduced to/by a different ethnicity friend,meeting while traveling esp abroad, catalyst in spiritual journey, meeting through religious community
âż in 4th- I have this w my mom while her âż is in my 1st so you could also share this w your parents, w cancer and Aries basically representing the womb her PUMPUM told her about međobvi she had no other choice but to learn about me I was coming weather she liked it or notđ so w 1st house synastry I feel like they were kinda forced onto you theyâre pretty hard to missđ„Žwith 4th her aunts/women in her family told her she was gonna have another baby before she even knewđ€·đœââïž
â Jupiter in 1st synastry -even the most stubborn person would hear planet person out w this placement đ Jupiter boost house persons ego/outlook on life, planet person just makes everything look good & exciting in house person eyes
â Pluto in 11th natal- unfriending someone could really feel like a divorce lmao telling people your not friends anymore and they react so crazy like âNO I NEVER WOULDVE THOUGHTđđđâ then splittng up your assets (friends/aspirations)
â Gemini Venus-girl next door vibe people watch through your window esp w some Pluto energy on your Venus, the song âShe by Tyler the creatorâ was made about us frđ
â Taurus (2°14°26°)moons people think that they own you or that youâre some object they can use anytime they want whether it be your body or your possessions
Also having a Taurus moon could play out as feeling like you didnât get the support that you needed in ur childhood, the type to have moms that say âI put clothes on your back, food on your plate, and a pillow to lay your head and youâre telling me I didnât do enough for you??đ đ€â like sorry I needed emotional support and understanding as a child that you couldnât give međ„Č the mom could see the child as spoiled/ungrateful esp with harsh aspects on the moon, but they could also just feel like they have a right to your possessions esp if you live in the same house what is privacy?đ
â 6th house synastry is big on planning together,the type to count down the days till they get to see e/o đ„°
Now offering aura & synastry readings
Thatâs it for now, have a blessed day âš
#follow for more#astro observations#capricorn#astro#fill my ask box#composite chart#composite#synastry#astrology transits#synastry chart#Jupiter#cancer#scorpio#8th house#1st house#12th house#Gemini#gemini venus#Taurus#aphrodite
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The demon that stole my heart
Ever since you finally met the demon that places a stolen gift on your nightstand, you began to build a relationship with the demon you found out was named Gyutaro.
Pairing: stalker!Gyutaro x oiran!fem!reader
Hereâs part 1, The demon that steals jewerly for me.
(Implied sexual assault from clients)
The demon kept visiting you every night, despite being discovered by you, and you are glad, incredibly so. Although he may look sick, starved, disgusting even, the demon, whose name you found out to be Gyutaro, made you feel safe. You heard tales from your Lady and the other oirans of your establishments about how more and more beautiful women suddenly either disappear or end their lives seemingly out of nowhere.
You listened the rumours about these creatures, how they seemingly only pick the most beautiful, how they stalk them before breaking into their bedroom while theyâre asleep to devour them, how they walk on the rooftops to find their next victim⊠You never believed those things. Besides, you had real threats to worry about; not getting paid enough, being pretty enough to keep your job and drunken men to fend off that try to take advantage of you.
The demon you met was nothing like the descriptions you heard. Gyutaro is shy, kind, soft. He is incredibly insecure about himself, about how he acts around you and how he looks. Your visitor knows that he is beautiful, quite the opposite, but in your eyes you strongly believe that he is beautiful. Not only visually, but also the way he acts. You canât help but smile everytime he hesitantly hands you over a small pouch filled another treasure he had prepared for you, his fingers trembling and eyes nervously watching for your reaction. Seeing a smile spread on your face makes him feel so incredibly happy and grateful being able to even exist within your vicinity.
In Gyutaroâs eyes, you are a goddess. A blessing from the heavens, something he desperately needs to hide from his sister, or else she might get the idea of devouring you. He could not let that happen, ever. You are too pure for this like of work and it infuriates him everytime when he watches another costumer enter your bedroom, while he is forced to sit on top of a roof, silently listening and making sure that you are safe and not attacked in any way. Gyutaro scratches, rips and tears his skin apart in jealousy the whole time. You should not be defiled like this, youâre pure, ethereal and the embodiment of beauty. You donât deserve to be with a demon like him, but even less to be used by these men.
Gyutaro was curled up into a ball, nuzzling his head against your thigh while you held him. Your hand was slowly brushing through his way, separating matted strands while he was relaxing under your touch, melting by your affection. You were still in your âwork clothesâ, a kimono in a soft colour with golden accents and seams. He felt how expensive it mustâve been by the feeling against his cheeks alone. He never wanted to approach or touch you in fear of staining you in some way with his aura alone, but after touching your palm for the first time, Gyutaro instantly got addicted to the forbidden fruit.
âGyu, the sun will be up soon.â
The demon cuddling onto you groaned in annoyance, opening his eyes slowly to glance up at you. His lips were formed into a large pout.
âC-Can I stay? In yo-your closet?â
You were slightly taken back by his request and gave him a small smile. You placed a gentle kiss on his nose, right onto his black marks. You know that your demon is protective of you, perhaps a little too much, but hiding in your closet while you serve clients might be a little too much. Besides, heâll probably wont be able to bear listening to you and either scratch all his skin open, nearly skinning himself alive, or murder your client on the spot. You canât let that happen, despite how much you hate being in the line of your work.
âNo, people will notice. Besides, you wonât fit in it⊠youâre too large.â
Gyutaroâs pout grew, almost looking like an upset child. His eyes avoided yours while your hand brushed against his cheek, nuzzling against your warm skin, his lips placing light kisses all over before savouring everything about you for one last time. His eyes glossed over your figure, from your legs to your warmth thighs, perfect stomach, soft chest and the most beautiful face. Suddenly, Gyutaro gently bit down onto your finger, nibbling a little.
âC-Can I come by tonight a-again, pretty?â
His mouth was muffled by his teeth nibbling around your delicate fingers, placing sloppy kisses all over your hand.
âYes, please. Iâd love to.â
Gyutaro nervously smiled softly, finally letting go of you to move towards your window, his usual route of escape.
âI-I love you.â
You could barely hear him say those words, but they were there. Your whole face brightened up and a blush tainted your cheeks while watching him slowly open your window, avoiding looking at you.
âI love you too, Gyu.â
âM-Mhh.â
He whimpered quietly, hurriedly jumping away quickly to both escape the rising sun and to not allow you to see his blushing face.
đ
@starvedluci , I saw you getting excited about Gyutaro XD I hope itâs okay Iâm tagging you like this, it just made me laugh out loud during lunch đ
I need some kind of merch from him. Iâm not sure if there are any plushies but I have seen some figures. I was at a convention this august where I saw a decently priced figure of him and one of Gyutaro + Daki in the hay thingie together (I hope you know what I mean) but I decided to get an Akaza one instead :,)
Anways, make sure to EAT, SLEEP and DRINK enough!!
Take care of yourselves <3 I am forever grateful for all your comments, reblogs and support. Thank you!
Hereâs the The demon that.. Masterlist.
#đ house of vry đ #gyutaro x reader#gyutaro x you#gyutaro x y/n#demon slayer gyutaro#kny gyutaro#gyutaro shabana#gyutaro#upper moon six x reader#upper moon six#demon slayer x reader#kny x reader#demon slayer x y/n#demon slayer x female reader#demon slayer x you#kny x y/n#kny x you#kny x female reader#demon slayer#fluff
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Pairing: lawyer!Jaehyun x divorcée!reader
Genre: age gap, drama, romance, smut
Word Count: 24k
Summary: Jaehyun has a ruthless, cruel and not so legal way of getting his clients everything they want out of their divorce. After all, to do the job right, a lawyer like him is not supposed to believe something like 'love' exists in the first place. That is until he meets his next client who also has a not so legal way of creeping right into his heart and make him question all his morals.
A/N: Man, I miss Jaehyun :( D-541
âI want to divorce my husband.â
Jaehyun hadnât spared you, the young woman who had been following him since the lobby, a single glance, purposefully ignoring every word you were trying to direct at him as he walked hurriedly and steadily to the elevators.Â
He was already running late that morning thanks to a fight with the parking attendant since apparently, his permission for the parkade had run out last night. And now, an annoying woman blocking the elevator doors after he had gotten in and hindering Jaehyun from reaching his officeâs floor was a bit of a stretch at this ungodly hour. Eventually, he couldnât ignore your existence anymore.Â
âMove,â he demanded, annoyed.
âI wonât,â you objected.
Pressing the âcloseâ-button over and over again, Jaehyun rolled his eyes at your perseverance as not even the heavy doors hitting your arms could chase you away. He stared at you, observing the persistence mirrored in your eyes as you pushed the doors aside again. He silently gave you credit for that.
âI want to divorce my husband,â you said again. âAnd I need you to successfully do so!â
Jaehyun let his eyes wander as you had piqued his interest ultimately. Your stubborn spirit reminded him a little bit of himself. But only a little bit. He examined you thoroughly. You were dressed elegantly in a pencil skirt, blouse and high heels. No wrinkles in your clothes, hair tidily pulled out of your face, not a strand out of order. You dressed like the average woman approaching him for his help: trophy wives in their thirties up to fifties, trapped in a marriage that was falling apart for always one and the same reason,
the lack of love.
In these kinds of marriages, mutual love rarely existed anymore. It was the same pattern again and again: The woman went blindly and head over heels in love into the marriage and throughout time, got frustrated with their lives as their marriage turned out entirely different from what they had imagined. The husband was almost never at home, business was always more important, and rarely did a case not involve cheating.Â
A person who had once been a naive woman in love had usually changed into a vengeful wife who wanted to take her husband to the cleaners by the time they consulted Jaehyunâs law firm. After all, they didnât believe in love anymore, and that was why his job was so easy, and even a little bit of fun.
But there was one difference that made you stand out significantly from all of his past clients, Jaehyun silently remarked to himself as his gaze stopped on your face: You were young. So, so young.
âDivorce your husband?â he repeated your words. âArenât you too young to be married for long enough yet?â
Your expression darkened, but he took it as a challenge. It wouldnât be the first time he clashed with a potential client. As a matter of fact, it wouldnât be a successful case for him if his client wouldnât start hating him at some point - and then preaching him to the heavens when he got them all they had asked for in the process, and more.
âDo you want this case or not?â you retorted. âI promise, you wonât regret it.â
Jaehyun raised a brow. Straightforward and witty. He hadnât expected that from an early twenty-something. Perhaps, he should pay weight to your words, the fact that he wouldnât regret it. Judging by your age alone, there was surely more to the story, and he was curious to get under the surface of it all.
Jaehyun removed his hand from the âcloseâ-button while simultaneously a moment of relief flashed through his face - along with a grin.Â
The door stayed open as he asked, âHow long have you been married for?â
âTwo and a half years.â
That was nothing.
âIs there a prenup?â
âYes.â
As always.
âWhatâs your husbandâs name?â
You hesitated.
In a lot of cases, Jaehyun knew his clientâs spouses just by their name. Wives of CEOs, chairmen, actors, doctors, politicians, investors ⊠they all came to him.
âKang Seungmin.â
Jaehyun almost visibly took in an exasperated breather.
âKang Seungmin who is related to the Aewha Group?â
You nodded. âHis older brother is the CEO.â
Pause.
âBe here tomorrow, 8am.â
____
You remembered the day you got married like it was yesterday.Â
You werenât wearing your dream wedding dress.Â
Your dress was a designer that your husbandâs mother had picked out. It had been too voluminous, too heavy, and it hadnât suited your style at all. Your makeup had made it hard for you to recognize yourself and they had put too many extensions in your hair. But that was what they had wanted you to look like - and you had complied.
It wasnât your dream wedding venue.Â
It had taken place at the Shilla Hotel and you hadnât had any say in the decoration, it was all white and beige when you had wanted sprinkles of purple, your favorite color. The cake was vanilla flavored when you had wanted blueberry, and the program had involved a choir, not a band. But that was what they had wanted the reception to be like - and you had complied.
Your friends and family werenât there.Â
You hadnât known a single person at the wedding except for your future husbandâs family. When you had been sitting there, feeling lonely and left out, there was no one you could have turned to, no familiar and friendly face. Your guests were all only business partners and your new familyâs friends - and you had complied.
You had never felt so lonely in your life like on the day that was supposed to be the happiest day of your life. But you had complied with everything, because you had been so, so in love.
And what was left of that now?
âSo, Mrs. Kang,â Mr. Jeong started the next morning after you had appeared in front of his office at 8am sharp. âAfter you have filled out all the information about you and your husband, I just want to know one thingâŠâ
âWhich isâŠ?â
You hoped he didnât notice how you kept your shaking legs in place with your palms pressing on top of your thighs. You knew exactly what was coming and you were prepared for that, but it always made you nervous, regardless of how many times someone would bring this topic up. And it happened almost every time.
âWhat is it that youâre after?â
You were confused. That wasnât what you had expected. âPardon me?â
The lawyer took off his glasses with which he had previously read through your information carefully and put them next to him on the desk. Then, he propped his elbows against the table and leaned in to you. It was very intimidating as if he wanted to look straight into your soul to detect every lie that could possibly pass your lips.
But there was nothing for you to lie about.
âWhat do you want out of this marriage, Mrs. Kang?â he carefully elaborated. âMoney? The house? Company shares? I can get you everything.â
âIn all honesty, Mr. Jeong,â you admitted, âI donât want any of his money, belongings, mansions and company shares. I just want to get out of this marriage and never be involved with this family again. Thatâs all I want.â
He let out a long sigh and closed the file with your information.
âAre you⊠done?â you asked.
âYes. With you.â
âExcuse me?â
âYou donât want anything? No money, no mansions, no company shares? Then, where is the thrill? What do you need me for?â The lawyer leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms behind his head. âI think itâs better for you to look for another lawyer.â
âHis material possessions were not the reason I was trying to find consultation with you.â You stayed calm and didnât want to get irritated by his change in demeanor. âI grew up wealthy already, Mr. Jeong. Iâm not dependent on his money. When I turned eighteen, I inherited the trust fund my parents had opened up for me the day I was born. Itâs enough to live comfortably until⊠well, the end of my days.â
âSo, you are two wealthy people who have married and you donât want to take anything from him just out of spite. According to the law, the trust fund still rightfully belongs to you as it had been handed over to you prior to your marriage.â If he was confused by your statement, then he didnât let it slip. âSo, what is it that makes divorcing him so difficult then, Mrs. Kang? What is it that youâre after, exactly? I know there is something after all.â
âItâs not what Iâm after. Itâs what he is after.â You reached down to your bag, pulling out a file that you then attentively placed on the lawyerâs desk. âHere is a copy of my prenup. Please open page 35. I highlighted the most important parts.â
He put back on his glasses and opened the documents at the respective page. You visibly saw his brows furrow at the paragraph that you had pointed out.
âSo, itâs the other way around. In case of a divorce, itâs not him who will lose everything,â the lawyer concluded. âBut you will lose everything, and it will be all transcribed to him. Your trust fund money, your possessions, everything from before your marriage evenâŠâ He stilled. âJust⊠everything.â
âExactly.â
âIâm sorry Mrs. Kang, butâŠâ He looked at you in utter disbelief. And the worst thing was that you couldnât even blame him. You were very ashamed of yourself, too. âHow could you have even signed this in the first place? I have never seen a prenup like this in my entire career. But then again, I've only been practicing in my own law firm for a short few yearsâŠ.â
He was straightforward with a certain sharpness lying on his tongue that tended to take a derogatory way at times. This lawyer had surely seen so much already, but according to his words, this must just be an entire new level of naiveness he hadnât encountered ever before.
âI was young and in love.âÂ
There was certainly no other explanation you wanted to give him yet, even though he was looking at you expectantly, waiting for you to elaborate the decision and specifically the situation you had been in when signing this agreement. But again, you had to disappoint him. You would have still signed the papers if the circumstances had been different, you were certain of that. Why would it matter if you left out an additional reason?
The lawyer let out a long sigh. It was like you could hear his thoughts in your own mind: Such a naive, stupid girl, getting married so young and signing away all her rights just to be with a powerful man forever, out of blinded love. You endured it like so many other things in your life.
âLove.â He snorted, confirming your thoughts, and closed the marriage contract with a thud. âItâs absolutely good for nothing. You clients prove it to me every time.â
You tilted your head. âJust because Iâm getting divorced doesnât mean I donât believe in love anymore, Mr. Jeong. Those are two very different things.â
âIâm aware of the fact that my clients almost all get married out of love like you,â he corrected himself strictly and made his standpoint clear to you. âNow, wanting a divorce from the person who you once had such strong feelings for⊠how can you still believe in something that has failed you so thoroughly?â
âBut love hasnât failed me,â you objected. âItâs the person who failed me. And just because that certain man has let me down, doesnât mean someone else will, too. There is not only one person in the world to love. Iâm not going to say I hate all men and will never meet someone I can open myself up to again, Mr. Jeong. I suppose thatâs what the majority of people who come here say to you, am I right? But I wonât. There are people in their fifties finding love all over again, so if I have to wait another thirty years just to experience the same, I will willingly do so. I will never give up hope, I wonât let spite devour me whole. I will wait for my time to come.â
He had fallen into silence and his gaze was impenetrable while you kept talking and eventually came to an end. The Lawyer was either baffled by your naivete once again, or you had sincerely taken him by surprise and the usually so witty man for once, since your meeting, didnât know what to reply.
âYouâre so full of positivity, Mrs. Kang, it almost makes me feel sick. Where is your anger, your vengefulness?â he eventually responded, and you felt a wave of disappointment wash over you. âBut since you donât seem to have my clientsâ usual bitterness and grimness to drive by, we will rely on your insolent positivity to win this case. Or stupidness, depending on how you view your case.â
You had never been so subtly attacked and complimented at the same time, but since it was coming from the ruthless attorney himself, you put more weight on the latter. âWhatever works for me, I guess.â
He folded his forearms on the table and leaned forward, closer to you, narrowing his eyes before he almost whispered, âBut there is one thing I always demand from my clients to win a case and my trust eventually. Without this certain thing, you will lose both.â
You inhaled deeply in expectation. âAnd that isâŠ?â
âThe entire truth.â The response was so simple, but you sensed there was more depth in it. âIf I ask you something, youâre going to tell me the truth. You cannot conceal or hide anything. There cannot be a detail that you consider too irrelevant or something that you consider too embarrassing to tell me. You will tell me everything I ask for and not ask for, are we clear?â
At this moment, you felt like he was staring right into your soul, marking this a make it or break it point for your business relationship. If you lied, would he be able to detect right away? Or was he bluffing and only wanted to intimidate you? Had he already sensed that you had left out an important aspect in your marriage?
âWe are very much clear.â
A grin flashed across his face, making you frown. âVery well. Then I need you to do the exact opposite.âÂ
âThe opposite? Then⊠I should lie?â
âExactly. And please donât hit me with the âI cannot lie, Iâm a sincere person, I cannot hurt someoneâ bullshit. We donât do that here. In order to win what you want, you have to play dirty. Be honest with me, but when I need you to lie and do reprehensible things, you have to comply. Do you think you can do this, little miss sunshine? Or are we way too sincere and positive for that?â
âIâm sorry, if you mean playing dirty do yo-â
âCan you do that?â he interrupted you. âThis is the only thing I need to know. Can you play dirty when I need you to?â
This shouldnât surprise you. Deep down, you had always known what kind of lawyer he was. Everyone knew. That was why you had eventually seeked out for him. You couldnât win this case on your own or with any lawyer, it had to be him. You had tried so hard and had approached not only attorneys in this city, but all over the country - to no avail.
This lawyer was your last resort, and never had you thought you would go this far. But if you had to lie and play dirty if asked to break free from your golden cage, then that was what you were going to do.
If you had to play dirty to see your family again, then you would do so.
You gulped, but still brought out, âI can do that.â
Even though it came reluctantly, he still believed you and said with a satisfied smile, âVery well, maâam.â
_____
âSo, this is the golden cage that youâre always referring to.â Your lawyer stood in the lobby, inspecting the entrance location. âInteresting.â
It was an odd sight for you - to have your divorce lawyer, who was technically still a stranger even after meeting a few times in his firm, in the home that you were sharing with your husband. But then again, in these two and a half years here together, your house had always been filled with only strangers and people you werenât fond of, so this wasnât quite a new experience.
Your home was a multistory penthouse in a high rise building in one the cityâs wealthiest neighborhood, because another quarter was a degradation for your husbandâs familyâs status. It was all too modernly and minimalistically designed with no touch of personal memories in the form of pictures or belongings. The furniture was too clean, the art too abstract, the rooms too empty. It had always felt more like a museum rather than a home for you - grand, impressive and utterly overwhelming.
You had spent days endlessly wandering between the floors and looking out of the gigantic window across the river out of which one side of the penthouse was entirely crafted, spanning over two levels. This was the only thing you liked about your home as it was easier to dream yourself away while watching the sunset. Many times, you had imagined living on the other side of the river, too. Where it wasnât all filled with stuck up millionaires, people too focused on changing their appearances and overall shallowness.
You had tried so hard to connect with this life, but even though you had grown up wealthily on this side of the river as well, there was one thing you were missing but had been showered with all throughout your childhood right until your marriage: love, comfort, warmth.
âI wonder how much this is?â
Your lawyer had picked up an ornate porcelain vase from the side table and threw it into the air. Your heart nearly stopped as you watched the decor flying off and gasped. Reaching out your hands, you tried to catch the vase yourself, but a moment later, it was landing safely in your lawyerâs hands again, who then turned to you, grinning.
âI guess it's very expensive,â he concluded.
You yanked the vase out of his hands and returned it to where it belonged. âDonât do that again! This decor is finely picked out by my in-laws, and if there is only one vase slightly out of arrangement or one single statue looking in the wrong direction when they come over - which is almost every day - hell will break loose.â
He threw his head back and laughed. âThatâs exactly what I imagined after what you told me about them. How can someone endure living here anyway?â
âIâm tougher than you think, Mr. Jeong.â
âHm.â His eyes then fell on your appearance and scanned you up and down. âAt first glance, you look like you totally belong here with your pantsuit and perfectly styled hair.â
âJust because I look like I belong here, doesnât mean I do, Mr. Jeong.â
âWise words for someone so young who doesnât always make wise decisions, maâam.â
You exhaled deeply. âCan we get over this as quickly as possible? You came here for a reason, right? Letâs get seated on the living room and-â
âSeats wonât be necessary,â he waved off. âYou have to show me around your home.â
âAnd why would I have to do that?â
âYour husband is overseas on a business trip youâve said, and I have to get a picture of the physical possessions, with how much money weâre dealing with apart from bank accounts, shares and all that stuff.â
âI see, that makes sense. But nothing here belongs to me, though.â
âThatâs even better.â He turned around. âWhich room is that?â
âThe living room.â
âGreat. Letâs start there.â Your lawyer entered the area as though he knew the place by heart while questioning, âYou mentioned your in-laws visit here every day, Mrs. Kang?â
âAlmost,â you partially affirmed while following him. âI guess they canât let go of their son⊠and their need to control me.â
âWhat would they need to control about you? Are you somehow involved in their business?â
Your lawyer looked around in the gigantic living room that faced the panorama window reaching from the ground to the ceiling on the second floor. The sofa was placed in the middle of the area, right in a pit that was accessible by two steps built into the ground, encircling a marble coffee table probably worth a single-family house. Right next to it was a billiard table, most likely valuable just as much. This was going to be a very long evening, considering the inventory and the prices.
âIâm not involved in their business, Mr. Jeong.â You paused for a short while, invisible struggling with something inwardly. But you came to the conclusion that if you couldnât tell your attorney, who then? âIn fact, Iâm secretly building my own one.â
âOh?â He raised a brow. âWhich kind of business?â
You remained silent for a few moments until he shifted to you and looked at you with inquiring eyes. âA bridal shop.â
You had already prepared a few witty responses, because whenever you told people about your business idea, they started laughing at you. Especially your in-laws. They had laughed at you so hard and shrugged your idea off immediately that you had never brought it up to them ever again. And your husband? He hadnât even acknowledged it. You were not allowed to work in this marriage anyway.
That was why you almost desperately needed to win this case and all your money back - to fulfill your dream and reunite with your family. You could do that. That was how much you believed in yourself. Just nobody else ever did.
âSo you like wedding dresses, maâam?â your lawyer asked almost in passing, but there was no mocking undertone in his voice. âSomehow very ironic for someone whoâs filing for divorce, donât you think?â
âItâs my passion, Mr. Jeong.â
âHow come?â
âI told you I will always have hope and I will always believe in love. Thatâs what I want to pass on as a message to someone like me. Someone who has found the love of their life, no matter for the first, second or third time, someone full of hope and brightness. Just because you havenât experienced it yet or because one love has ended, doesnât mean youâll never experience this special kind of connection ever. It makes me happy to be part of something so significant. It keeps me going, it keeps me⊠hopeful, you know.â
âSo you want to be part of other peopleâs special day to keep the thought alive that one day, you will still find the love of your life?âÂ
You clicked your tongue over the fact that everything coming out of his mouth sounded so⊠negative. âIf you want to put it like this⊠I rather see it as an opportunity to share your happiness with equal minded people.â
âWhy wedding dresses and not flowers then? Isnât it more fulfilling to bring joy to peopleâs everyday life with flowers they give someone else most of the time?â
âYouâre right, Mr. Jeong.â You smiled as you did not disagree with each other on this topic. âBut my mother is a fashion designer and my father is an art dealer, so thatâs the natural trajectory of my life. I love fashion, even if it doesnât look like it. But there is only very little you can experiment with style-wise when all eyes are on you and you have to keep up a certain reputation according to your in-laws. I hide a lot of pent-up creativity not many people know of.â
âOh, who would have guessed youâre not always all pantsuits and pencil skirts, Mrs. Kang.â He shrugged. âSo you truly believe in it?â
âIn what?â
âIn love that lasts a lifetime.â
âAs I said, Mr. Jeong⊠if we cease to believe in love⊠what is there to live for?â
"Wealth. Popularity. Freedom. Fun.â He snickered, but not in a way in which he made fun of you. He was more impressed by his own funny answer.
âBut you have no one to share this with. Doesnât your happiness then only last for so long?â
âOh, I do have people to share this all with. Just because finding love is not my priority doesnât mean I donât enjoy the company of beautiful women.â
You let out a deep sigh, but he shrugged your reaction off. Despite that, you had ended the topic on a good note, because for the very first time ever, you were allowed to talk about your passion without getting cut off immediately.
By that time, you had already arrived at the kitchen. It was an impressively wide, open room made of expensive white marble which appeared unused for ages as it was spotless and shiny. As a matter of fact, just as it appeared, it was never used by anyone in this family - that much was true. This kitchen functioned only as a showroom when the family had guests over to lay out the appetizers and the buffet.
âSo you have people who cook for you?â your lawyer concluded.
âItâs a personal cook that has gotten hired, yes.â
He shook his head in disbelief. âMust be nice being rich, having people cook and clean for you every day.â
âTrust me, Mr. Jeong,â you opposed, âitâs not all that.â
You both then continued on to the second floor, and you could see him turning more and more impressed with the fact how your house was furnished. Not only the first floor was luxurious, but every other room as well. If there was something touching the ground or the walls, one could be sure that its worth came at least close to a small car, from furniture to decoration.
âDo you have to go in there?â you pressed through gritted teeth, and your lawyer rolled his eyes as you both stood in front of the closed master bedroom. âItâs a private area and there is not much inside.â
âUnless you have some secret toys lying out in the open, there is nothing to be ashamed of, we all know whatâs going on in bedrooms, donât we, Mrs. Kang?â
He grinned, unaware of the fact that there hadnât been something going on in this bedroom for at least a year already. You also suppressed a gasp about his unhinged comment that was not very gentleman-like. But you also werenât surprised your divorce lawyer, who always told you to play dirty, would leave dirty comments as well. You would just ignore them like the lady you got trained to represent.
âI guess youâre not sharing the bedroom anymore?â your lawyer asked as he wandered around in your private chamber after having opened the space.
âWhat has this got anything to do with my divorce?â you wanted to know, slightly enraged.
âA lot. If you can confirm that you havenât shared a bed in quite a time, itâs easier to believe that your marriage has been in the shambles for so long and not a decision simply made overnight.â
âDivorce is never a decision simply made overnight, Mr. Jeong,â you clarified, but he corrected you instantly,Â
âI didnât mean it that way, Mrs. Kang. You will wonder how many clients come to me directly the day after they caught their partner cheating and change their minds to return to them a few days later. I want to know how serious you are and that itâs not a decision made on an impulse.â
âI donât love my husband anymore, Mr. Jeong. Isnât my tone sincere enough, my expression when I talk about my failed marriage? The fact I go through these lengths at my age?â Your voice got louder and louder, but he didnât interfere. âBut if you need to know about that part of my life too, then yes, I can confirm that my husband and I havenât shared this bed for a little over a year already as heâs sleeping in his office.â
âRelax, okay?â he comforted you as you had ended your speech. âI was only asking.â
You dropped your head, suddenly ashamed of your slight blow up. âIâm sorry. Thatâs not⊠Iâm usually not like this.â
âDonât worry about it. Itâs normal to feel all these emotions going through a divorce. Sometimes, you need a ventil. It wonât be the last time that you talk to me like that, so let it all out. Youâll be surprised how much it helps.â
He was right, you thought to yourself, feeling a little bit lighter around your chest. But to your disadvantage, you bathed in that moment for a second too long and missed your lawyer opening another door in your bedroom of which he had probably assumed was your walk-in-closet.
âNo, don-â
You stretched out your hand and wanted to reach him, but you werenât fast enough and could only watch the door swing open, revealing a small room next to the bedroom that was certainly too spacious to only be a closet.
Instead, what he found in the room was a crib by the window where dim light was making its way through half-closed curtains. A light shade of yellow had been chosen for the tapestry, matching the beige carpet while the remaining furniture such as the changing unit and the crib itself were white. A few pictures on the walls added a playful undertone to the room, but that was it.
âI was only allowed to choose the pictures,â you explained recently as you slowly approached him. âThey are sunflowers in different shapes. You know what sunflowers stand for?â You smiled meekly. âThey stand for happiness and joy. This room should have brought me happiness and joy, but instead, it gave me years of sadness.â
He didnât ask. Perhaps, he could figure it out himself as you had neither mentioned nor brought a child to your appointments with him. If not, then he sensed it wasnât the right time to push the topic just yet.
âLetâs go,â your lawyer eventually exclaimed and closed the door behind him. âLetâs make your living room a bit messy when I unpack my laptop and we note down the cost of every item in here. Thatâs gonna be fun!â
He sometimes came off as rude and uncouth, but he knew when to stop talking.
_____
âWhatâs that?â You unpacked the plastic bag in front of you and pulled out a black long sleeve, black pants, black sneakers and a black beanie as you unsuccessfully attempted to crack a joke, âWere black clothes on sale today?â
âThose are your clothes for tonight.â
âIf you haven't noticed yet, Mr. JeongâŠâ You looked down on yourself. âMy style is classic, elegant. Not streetstyle, not coquette, or whatever this is. Iâm still representing the family I married into and cannot wear this.â
âIâm sorry, but black cashmere sweaters were not on sale today, maâam,â your lawyer said, and as you drew a closer look at him, you noticed that he was dressed all in black already too, and not in his usual suit, but more casual, even wearing a beanie himself. âNow undress and change into the clothes that I brought.â
âWhat would I wear this for?â You lifted up your hands and pulled up the pants. You usually never wore pants. âWhere are we going? To the club? I donât go to clubs.â
âNo, weâre going to your house.â
âAnd why would we need these clothes if weâre going there?â
Somehow, you sensed you wouldnât like the answer at all. âBecause weâre going to rob you.â
âI- I donât understand. Robbing⊠me? My home? While Iâm there?â
âNo.â Your lawyer came over to you, took the beanie out of the bag and then put it on your own head. He pulled the ends down into your face, messing up your slick bun so that a few strands stuck into your forehead. âFits you perfectly.â
âDo you meanâŠâ
The corners of his lips tilted up. âExactly. Youâre going to rob your own house.â
âAre you nuts?!â
âMaâam, these words out of your mouth?â He snickered. âChange into the new clothes and then we can go.â
âWhat should this be good for?â
âIt sounds cliche, but you really canât see people who dress in black in the dark very clearly.â
âNo, I mean robbing my home. What should that be good for?â
âAh, that.â He scratched the back of his head. âWhen there is nothing of value in the house, then there are no items to fight over, hence less work for us. You said you didnât care about his possessions, right? Then he wonât have anything left in the morning. Weâre only going to grab jewelry and this kind of stuff for you to keep or sell. Just out of spite.â
You gasped in shock. âThatâs illegal! Iâm pretty sure thatâs even a crime!â
âI can guarantee you,â he confirmed, âthis is a crime on paper. Remember you told me you could play dirty?â
When you had agreed on playing dirty when it was needed, you had hoped that it was only a formality, that he was exaggerating or just wanted to test your willpower. You had never expected you both standing in front of your dark home in the middle of the night, dressed up as robbers just to do exactly that: commit a robbery.
With your arms crossed to hide your shaking limbs, you looked around nervously, sending a quick prayer to the heavens. Even though you lived on the highest floor and had used several backdoors through the building so that no one would know you had even entered in the first place, you still felt the risk of getting caught any second.
âThis doesnât help me at all,â your lawyer complained while handling the entrance door with different tools that made noises and left traces a little too obvious for your liking.Â
âThere is CCTV everywhere here and you just ruined the doorâs frame,â you whispered in agony. âWhen my husband reports the robbery, they will check the time and date and then see us somewhere!â
âDo you think itâs my first time doing this?â he answered calmly while the door then opened smoothly with almost no sound. You furrowed your brows in question and wondered. Wasnât the alarm supposed to go off? With a smug smile, your lawyer arose from his position and pushed the door entirely open. âOf course I had let the entire grid be turned off.â
You blinked in confusion. âHow?â
âAgain, youâll wonder how far one comes in this country with just a little bribery.â
âThatâs not very ethical,â you chided.
âYou know whatâs not ethical either?â He locked eyes with you. âYour husband taking all the money thatâs legally yours from before your marriage, leaving you with no seed capital to start anew, with no prospects. Yes, itâs in the prenup, but what gives him the right to rob you like that just because itâs written on some piece of paper? Maâam, the world is not a fair place,â he said confidently. âSometimes, you just have to accept that. So, letâs go on a robbery.â
Your eyes narrowed, your nervosity completely wiped by now. âLetâs start with his office on the ground floor. I know he has some very expensive jewelry stored openly in there.â
Your lawyerâs grin widened. âPerfect.â
He had destroyed the door in a way that carried evidence of forced entry for the police investigation. On your way to the suggested room, you moved through the living area as well, and your lawyer had made it his mission to throw over some chairs and a small side table that had once carried some valuable crystal figurines that your mother in law liked to collect. They then all laid shattered on the floor.
âThat was crystal!â you cried out. âDo you know how much it was worth? That was not necessary!â
âWeâre on a robbery, not on a shopping trip at Tiffanyâs,â he groaned. âDo robbers look like they care about some figurines? They come in a hurry and take everything valuable they can get in a short amount of time. They want the big stuff, gold, silver, money, jewelry⊠they donât care for porcelain, vases⊠or whatever this was, things that are too big and break easily. Remember, weâre robbers, we have to make it look like we donât care. Now, show me where he keeps his valuables stored.â
âThere is way too much valuable stuff. How are we supposed to carry all of it?â
âWe wonât.â
Your lawyer moved to the huge cabinet in the living area, stopped there for a moment, and then threw his entire body against the furniture. You let out a loud gasp, and another one as he pushed against the cabinet one more time, bringing it to a fall along with the pieces that were stored inside, instantly shattering in the process. The noise was immense and you had to cover your ears. He might not look like it in his suit, but now that he was only wearing a rather tight shirt, you noticed that your lawyer was very well built and that this was the reason why the cabinet hadnât stood a chance from the beginning.Â
He let out a âPhew!â as he turned to you and wiped over his forehead. âYou can take on destroying his files and papers, just everything important to him. Let me handle this physical stuff. Don't worry, I made sure the neighbors on the floor beneath werenât there tonight.â
You understood why you had to do this. If there werenât many valuable items you had to fight over, the higher would be the chance they would let you off with your own money and the less time and nerves it would take to finalize the divorce, yet the sentiments that tied you to this placeâŠ
⊠they were nonexistent.
Opening all of your husbandâs cabinets, rummaging through them and pulling stuff out just to scatter them everywhere felt somewhat very satisfying. You saw all his important files and papers on the ground and stomped on them like a maniac. Everything he worked so hard for, everything he owned while trying to steal from you simultaneously like he had done all your life already. Back in the days, you had just been too young and naive to notice.
You had held back so much during all this time and had never found a way to verbalize your feelings. A lady didnât do that. A lady was always graceful and just endured. Right now though, you didnât feel very ladylike. And it was the best feeling in so long.
You only stopped when your lawyer stood there next to you, arms folded across his chest, and there was an edge of mocking delight in his voice when he asked, âYouâre done already?â
You lowered your head as he had caught you red-handed, but you also couldnât wipe off the faint beam that remained on your lips even when he started rummaging through your husbandâs cabinets in search of the watches you had told him were stored in there.
âI wasnât aware he has such a large collection of the most expensive watches in the world,â your lawyer commented when he lightened up a drawer with the flashlight. âIf I keep one to myself, would he notice? But then again, he wonât see any of these again anyway. So maybe I should ask you?â
You let out a long sigh and grabbed the watch from him that you then threw into the bag that he had brought along with. âThatâs not funny. I think you make enough money to buy yourself an expensive watch.â
âNot this brand, but wellâŠâ
You rolled your eyes and continued with the sham robbery on the lower floor before moving on to the second. It was easy to destroy your own belongings as well. You didnât feel any sentiment as you had expected. Over time, you had grown so resentful, at this point, you just really didnât care anymore, except forâŠ
âDonât. Not inside there!â You threw yourself against the door your lawyer had initiated to open. There was no way he didnât know what kind of room this was after his last visit, so he went in there with a purpose. As you lifted your head, a flash of empathy crossed his face, but you stopped your pleading gaze from breaking eye contact with him. âPleaseâŠâ
You had been wrong. There was still something your sentiments were tied to in this place, the room where your baby should have lived.
âIâm sorry,â you heard him tell you with the lowest and softest form of tone he had ever addressed you with. âBut if we leave this room out, then something is off. We have to at least rummage-â
Your front teeth pressed into your lower lip as you struggled with either making way for him or fighting him. You had hoped that, regardless of how much time had already passed, your past could always remain here as long as you kept this room locked up - just as your memories.
Letting another person inside would mean you had to close this chapter. And even if your therapist back then had also advised you to change this room into another event space and move on, you had never brought your heart to agree to that. What would happen if you moved out eventually? Wasnât this the best opportunity to finally take this step? But it came so suddenâŠ
âCan I still keep something?â you asked timidly. âMy husband never entered this room, so he wouldn't miss anything, and I know what you want to say⊠I understand. Just please⊠one thing I can keep for myself? Maybe a jumper or a toyâŠâ
It took a long while until he shrugged and eventually said, âYou know⊠I donât think there are robbers this cruel who would destroy a baby room. I meanâŠâ He opened the door, but didnât go inside. âNo one would hide valuable possessions inside here anyway. Letâs go.â
âThank you,â you whispered, and you wondered whether your tone could even carry a tiny fragment of the relief you were feeling right now to your lawyer, expressing how grateful you were for his understanding and gentleness, even though in his world, it might not make much sense at all.Â
If he noticed the depth of your gratitude after all, with him risking your scam just to leave you this tiny piece of sentiment, then he didnât bother showing you.
âNow off to my favorite part⊠the safe!â
âWe wonât reach whatâs inside there,â you warned him. âI even doubt his beloved mother knows the passcode to that.â
âOh, we wonât get to steal whatâs inside. But we will try. Ever used a crowbar to hit against something? Itâs fun! Letting out a little anger. Youâll like it.â
Oh, how much you indeed came to like it.
____
âVery well.â
Your lawyer seemingly skimmed over the police report before he placed it aside on his desk, deeming it as done. Only a week after the incident, you had brought him a copy of the official papers that your husband had filed to confirm that everything was going according to plan.
After your fake robbery, you had pretended to arrive at home and called your husband in feigned shock that sounded so real over the phone, you nearly believed it yourself. Since he had been in a neighboring city only, he had arrived two hours later, and the performance you had put on in front of him and the police was nearly Oscar-worthy.
âThen, you only have to sign this.â Your lawyer had pulled out another set of documents from a staple on this desk and slid them over to you. âExactly here, please.â
âWhat is this?â You read something about a bank in a whole other country that was unfamiliar to you, and a bank account under a name that was unfamiliar, too. âI cannot sign for another person.â
âI know. Thatâs why you will sign as this person whose name the account is booked under.â
âThatâs not legal, I could go to jail for that!â
âThis again?â your lawyer groaned. âThis is the bank account onto which we will transfer all your money and hide it from your husband and his family. It is required for you to make sure you will keep your inheritance. It will take a few weeks, because of course we canât just book your whole trust fund money onto another bank from one day to the other, it will take a few steps.â
âSo basically money laundering,â you concluded cautiously.
âThatâs the legal term, yes. I would describe it asâŠâ He pursed his lips as though he was really thinking hard to come up with something. âPlaying hide and seek. Itâs suddenly gone and you donât know exactly how long it will take, but eventually, youâll always find it.â
You rolled your eyes, but signed the papers nonetheless.
âVery well. Now, grab your purse,â your lawyer summoned while he was taking off his glasses and arose from his chair. âWeâre going to celebrate.â
âCelebrate? Celebrate what?â
âThis success.â He put on his suit coat, circled his desk and picked up your purse from the chair next to you himself, thrusting it into your lap as you hadnât made any move to reach for it yourself..Â
âOkay, but where?â
âCan you drink?â
âNot really.â
âVery well, then Iâll teach you.â
You reluctantly got up from your seat as you suspiciously asked, âIs this something you do with all your clients, Mr. Jeong?â
You were only able to watch his back when he opened the door and admitted, âOnly with the ones I like.â
While you were still pondering whether his words had been a compliment, he had decided to take you to a shady bar, at a part of the city where you would never set foot in. It was dim and smelled strongly of smoke. The majority of the guests were male, there was a billiard table in the center, and on the menu were only beer and harder beverages.
âThis is not the kind of establishment I usually frequent, Mr. Jeong,â you judged harshly while you struggled to find a comfortable position on the bar stool next to your lawyer.
âNo, I donât think you frequent any bar at all.â He had let himself plop on the stool next to you, took off his jacket and ordered two drinks you hadnât heard of and neither ever sipped on before. âI purposely brought you here. You thought we were going to visit some kind of fancy rooftop hotel bar? Sorry to disappoint you.â
You scanned your environment with raised brows and a look that made men look back at you - but not in the open kind way. They were rather skeptical and curious. Your lawyer was still the best dressed here, everyone else was wearing casual clothes like they had just hopped by after work. They sensed you didnât belong here, their faces spoke volumes.
âDonât worry, these guys are harmless and actually nice. They just want a good drink and company before heading home alone, back to their dark and lonely room. Itâs just⊠they donât see women here that often.â
âI figured that much. What is this place even? Why are we here, Mr. Jeong?â
âIt's a place to have fun! Try having fun, will you? Here.â He slid one of the two glasses the barkeeper had just dropped off on the counter closer to you. âDrink. Maybe this will help you to finally loosen up. And drop the âMr. Jeongâ-stuff, weâre off duty now.â
You knew there was no way you could say no, and even though you were doubtfully sniffing on the drink, trying to guess what it could be, you had to empty it under your lawyerâs watchful eyes.
âOh my god!â You were coughing while your entire face heated up. You felt the liquid burning through your throat, making its way all the way to your stomach and settling there with a heat you had rarely encountered before. âWhat is this?!â
âItâs a drink to have fun! Are you having fun yet?â
âNo!â
âVery well.â He downed his own beverage and then raised his hand. âBarkeeper, we need another two of these.â
You didnât know how long it took for your perception of time to start shifting. You also didnât know why you didnât stop drinking, and certainly not why you didnât say no. He wouldnât have forced you, that much you were certain of. Maybe it was because you were truly weak. But maybe, in some kind of twisted circumstance, you were truly starting to have fun.
âHere, hold this.â You thrusted your purse and your jacket into Jaehyunâs hands. âI canât look at this misery any longer.â
You rolled up the sleeves of your blouse and opened the first two buttons before - suddenly feeling not too hot and cramped in your own skin anymore - you strutted over to the men who had gathered around the billiard table, ready to start another set of games.
âMay I join?â you asked into the round and earned many curious looks back. âTrust me guys, Iâm really good at this.â
You had played billiard in your home so often, it started to bore you the better you got at this game. And with time, it had started to really dread you, because there had never been anyone to play with the many hours a day had to offer.Â
âMiss, I donât think-â
âLet her.â You didnât see him, but you felt Jaehyunâs presence right behind you. Your chest swelled with confidence and pride. âShe said she can do it, so let her.â
The men threw questioning looks at each other, but it didnât take them too long until they all agreed to let you join, and one of them handed a queue over to you. âLadies first.â
If your confidence had rooted from the alcohol you had chugged earlier, its effect was starting to lack now, because suddenly, you didnât feel so full of yourself anymore. You bowed down lightly and positioned yourself on one side of the table. You usually started here, playing at home, but abruptly, you got so nervous with all these men looking at you with a certain edge of judgment they were unsuccessfully trying to conceal.Â
If you failed the gameâs opening, there would be no coming back from it, the momentum missed. You would play bad and they would all make fun of you. Maybe it would be better if you just backed down nowâŠ
âWell, well, wellâŠâ
You felt a palm on your lower back as you made attempts to arise from your position, keeping you in place as the hand gently pressed against the push upwards that you made. Jaehyun was preventing you from giving up.
He bowed down to you and whispered into your ear, âYou donât have to impress anyone. Just loosen up, let it go and have fun.â
You closed your eyes and breathed in deeply. He didnât retreat his hand when you opened them again and angled the queue. He didnât retreat his hand when you pulled back and pushed into the billiard balls. He only retreated his hand when you turned around to him, throwing your arms around his neck to celebrate that you had immediately put three balls into the holes.
You didnât know when your hair had loosened and now fell in soft waves around your shoulders. You didnât know when you had opened a third and fourth button on your blouse, revealing a bit of your undershirt. You also had lost count of the amount of drinks you had already downed the further the night processed.
But what you knew was that you had incredible fun.
âDid you see that, Jaehyun?â You were jumping up and down in front of him after winning another game against one of the bar visitors. âI won again!â
âYes.â He smiled softly, like you had never seen before. âWell done.â
You tilted your head, your lipstick long gone, your cheeks heated. âIt suits you so well, Jaehyun.â
âWhat?â
âThat smile.â You beamed back. âMaybe you should wear this expression more often than that scorny grin. I like this one better.â
You couldnât clearly see in the dim lightning, but you could swear you caught his ears turn red, and it was incredibly cute.
âAlright, brandy blossom,â Jaehyun then called out after you had won another game. âTime to go home before your hubby returns.â
âAlready?â you pursed your lips and put down the queue.Â
âYou donât want to be caught reeking of alcohol, all disheveled, right?â
You gasped and stemmed your hands against your hips. âOf course not! Just⊠another round, please? I need to properly say goodbye to my new friends.â
He gave in, knowing he didnât stand a chance against the sad face you and the men you had been playing with pulled all at once.
Seemingly annoyed, Jaehyun sighed. âBut just one.â
____
âJaehyun, everything is spinning.â You leaned against him while he put an arm around you and kept you on your feet as you entered the elevator. âAnd I feel sick.â
âThatâs my fault. I shouldnât have let you play another round and have a last farewell drink with the other guests.â He pressed the button and watched the door close in front of you both.
âBut I had so much fun,â you said as you looked for support by stemming yourself against the elevator wall. âI canât remember the last time Iâve had this much fun. I would do it all over again. Can we do this again sometime, please⊠Jaehyun?â
You didnât know if Jaehyun ever replied to that as you closed your eyes and drifted away. You were moving, that much you knew, or was it all in your memory as well? You didnât use your own body, but felt like you were being carried, not having to put your feet down. You were floating and a slight breeze pulling on the ends of your hair strands suggested that somewhere, a window must have opened, and then you fellâŠ
⊠but on a soft cloud.
Your eyes reluctantly opened and you saw Jaehyun bending over you, worry sketched all over his face.
âThank god!â he exclaimed in relief. âI thought you were passed out.â
âI feel so sweaty and smelly, Jaehyun,â you complained to him, starting to unbutton your blouseâs remaining buttons. âI have to change.â
âIâll bring you the bathrobe.â But he wasnât able to leave your side as your hand reached out to him and locked him down with a tight grip around his wrist.
âPlease donât go,â you whined, very much under the influence. âI donât wanna be alone.â
âI wonâtâ, he spoke with a voice so gently, even in this state you wondered if it was the same person you spoke to about your divorce. You felt a palm touching your temple, swiping away a few hair strands. âIâll just bring you a fresh bathrobe.â
Still, you refused and shook your head. âPlease stay.â
It didnât take him a second to answer, âFine, Iâll stay.â
You drew a deep breather, staring at the half-darkened ceiling that was semi blurry in your drunken state. Only a small light was on, somewhere in the corner. Perhaps, it was the alcohol speaking the following words, but suddenly, you got so sad and hid your face by placing your forearm on your head.Â
âActually, you know⊠Iâm so scared of getting divorced.â
âWhy is that?â
âIâm scared that Iâll be alone all my life, after all.â
This time, Jaehyunâs answer took him much longer as if he was carefully thinking about each word. âYouâre the most fascinating woman Iâve ever encountered. You wonât be having any struggles attracting men who are handsome and treat you well, Iâm sure about that. Just this time, choose widely.â
âI donât think I want to get married so fast again,â you confessed. âI think next time, I will take it slow. I want to get a degree and open my business first. Then, I want to get married again.â
âThat sounds very reasonable. You hadnât had a chance to enjoy your youth much.â
âBut I donât want one night stands, flings, short-lived encountersâŠâ You dared to peek from under your arm and eventually withdrew it from your face to look at Jaehyun properly. âWhat if I meet my true love during that time? Will he wait until Iâm ready?â
He spoke with confident sincerity that was reflected in his expression as he assured you, âIf he truly loves you, then he will wait.â
âBut⊠I want to experience the love I am able to give. What if there is really only one love we get to have in a lifetime, and he has been this love for me? What if Iâve used up all of my love for this life already?â
âThatâs nonsense,â Jaehyun instantly dismissed. âLove is endless, you cannot use it up. Especially you. You have so much love to give, you cannot be the only person out there. You will meet someone whose love is as endless as yours, I promise.â
âHow much love have you got left, Jaehyun? Is it still endless too?â
Only at this moment, you realized that you hadnât let go of his wrist all along. Only at this moment, when he twisted your bothâs fingers in a way that intertwined them. Your chest welled up, you hadnât felt this cared for in what felt like an eternity.
âYes,â he whispered. âItâs still endless too.â
âThen Iâm glad,â you replied with a smile before drifting off to sleep.
____
You didnât know when you last had fallen asleep with your husband on the same bed, let alone holding hands with him and having his arms wrapped around you from the back. Waking up groggily on your soft bedding, you first saw your intertwined hands resting on your hip, your husband breathing delicately with his face buried in your nape.
It was odd. You didnât feel put off or disgusted even as normally whenever he even tried to have some kind of body contact with you. No, you felt content, comfortable and warm. So, so warm.
Except for⊠as your eyes scanned the room, it dawned on you that this was not your houseâs wall and neither was that your window you were looking at. This wasnât your bed either, and behind you was certainly not your husband laying.Â
âNo, no, no!â Your breath caught and you sat up straight on the mattress, waking up your lawyer with your hectic movements. âNo, this canât be!â
âWhatâs going on?â He instantly arose into a seating position although his eyes were barely opened yet. âYouâre leaving already? Itâs only⊠6am.â
âYes!â you screeched and escaped the entangled sheets, starting to adjust your pulled up skirt and open blouse. Your cheeks heated up and you turned around, away from your lawyerâs peripheral so as to not reveal more of your body to him than you already had. âI was supposed to be home by last night! Why am I here? Is this a hotel?â
âYou were so drunk, you could barely walk and always drifted off to sleep, I couldnât just bring you home. I just wanted to make sureâŠâ He paused and then shrugged. âWhatever.â
âOh my god, what do I tell my husband?â You ran your fingers through your disheveled hair and tried to clean your clothes. You could barely remember the last night. âWhere is my phone?â
âHere.â Your lawyer held up the device in front of you. âZero messages and zero missed calls. Can you calm down now, please? Iâll drive you.â
You took your phone into your hand and looked at it in utter confusion. âThatâs strange. Usually, he would call me when Iâm not home or at least send me a message. Letâs just hope he didnât bother checking up in the first place, that would be the best case.â A very unwell feeling suddenly crept up your body, laying itself on your chest and slowly cutting off your air. âSomething is off. I need to go home. Really, I need to go home right now.â
Rather cold hands suddenly placed themselves on your left and right cheek, cupping your face. Your lawyer looked straight at you with penetrating eyes. âPlease, I need you to calm down first. Now.â
You tried shaking your head, but his grip was too strong. âI canât-â
âYes, you can.â There was no talking back. He wouldnât let you go otherwise. âCalm down, then get dressed and Iâll take you home. Spiraling right now is not helpful. Try collecting your thoughts and then act according to it.â
So you tried as he told you and closed your eyes. You took a few deep breathers, but even though you could set your body at peace just a little bit, your heart still refused to do so. And you got a feeling it was not because of what was awaiting you at home, but rather because your lawyer stood so close to you. It was his presence that caused you to be all irritated at this moment.
A few memory threads flowed into each other again, and pieces of last night seeped back into your mind⊠Your hands around his neck, his soft smile, his gentle words, his arms carrying you to the hotel room, his fingers intertwined with yours, his chest pressed against your back in your sleepâŠ
You looked at him, utterly petrified. Had you just cheated on your husband?
âYouâre coming?â he asked.
You followed him out of the hotel room and into the elevator. You didnât say a single word and he didnât pick up a topic to talk about either, so you just remained silent and avoided eye contact at all cost. You wondered if he felt the same way about your unexpected intimacy from the night before: guilty and ashamed - against yourself.Â
That was what you would describe it, but it was not what entirely described the bigger picture. Because why else would you have wished not to be still married right now just to have laid in bed with your lawyer for a bit longer?
âCheckout, please,â you heard him say as you stood next to him, totally lost.
Your husband was an attractive man, but your lawyer⊠You watched his back bend, messy strands falling into his forehead, a crinkled shirt tightening around his chest. A small part of you that had supposedly taken control over you last night, yearned for him in a way you had never yearned for a man before, not even your own husband.
You suddenly broke out in cold sweat and had to look away, fingers gripping tightly onto the jacket in your hand. You were still a married woman, you were not supposed to feel this way about another man yet, even though you didnât love your husband anymore. You still belonged to him on paperâŠ
âLetâs go.â Your lawyer looked at you, frowning. âAre you okay? You look feverish.â
He wanted to touch your forehead, but you quickly turned your head away. âIâm fine.â
He didnât believe you, but let it rest. âFine.â
You trotted after him, feeling torn about what was morally right and the desires that had started to involuntarily get into your head.
____
Something was off at home, because nobody was there.
You and your husband didnât speak often except for the necessities. Most of the time, he would sleep at his office in the house, coming back late in the night and leaving early in the morning. Sometimes, when it was very late, he didnât bother to check up on you at all, assuming you were asleep already. For last night, you had just hoped that it was this exact case.
And just as you were standing there in the lobby, kind of lost and still groggy with a slight hangover starting to announce itself, you got a phone call.
âHey,â you greeted.
âHey,â your husband greeted back. âIâm sorry I didnât make it home last night, and I wonât be able to come back today either. There is too much going on in the company.â
You didnât bother to care anymore, you hadnât in a long time. You were just relieved that last night didnât have any consequences. âI understand.â
âIs mother already gone?â
âM⊠mother?âÂ
Your blood froze and your vision shifted to a silhouette that was just revealing itself in the corner and slowly stepping into the weak daylight. You had judged too early, weighed yourself in safety too fast as there it was, your consequences.
âYes,â your husband responded. âDonât you think it was nice of her to spend the night, because she was worried you would be alone after the robbery? Anyway, I have to hang up and get back to work. Bye.â
Your arm slowly slipped down, fingers barely still holding onto the phone as you looked at your mother-in-law like you were facing a ghost.
âBy the looks of it, it seems like someoneâs had a rough night.â
You did your best to keep your voice low and conceal the trembling tone that came along with your answer, âI was at a friendâs house last night.â
Your mother-in-law snickered and approached you, her face not changing a bit - the result of year long surgeries. She was smaller than you and certainly older, but something so wicked and deeply evil had always been surrounding this woman that even her own sons wouldnât dare to look into her eyes without permission.
Secretly, she was the one running and pulling the strings behind the company, the entire conglomerate even, stemming from one of the countryâs richest families for centuries. At least that was what she liked to tell, but your research didnât reveal such connections. That didnât make her appearance less intimidating though as even her own husband looked small next to her.
âDonât fool me, darling. You donât have any friends.â
Two years ago, you would have apologized deeply and fallen to your knees, begging for forgiveness, even if it meant kneeling for days. But you werenât the intimidated girl from shortly after your marriage anymore. Losing your child had shaped you deeply and the divorce was the final stage, not the process - even though you still had weak moments. You decided this wouldnât be one of them.
âYou donât know anything about me or my life.â
Somehow, you felt mentally so strong right now and straightened your shoulders to present self-confidence, aware of the fact that even though your way through this divorce was not the prettiest and most legal, it was the most effective. And truth to be told, they didnât deserve a clean divorce anyway.
âI see it written all over your face,â she snarled. âYouâve been with another man.â
This woman didnât deserve a glimpse of your new, true self at all.
This woman who had told her son, âIf you had just waited half a year more, you wouldnât have had to marry her and we wouldnât have this burden in our family now.â
And the son who had just answered, âIâm sorry to be such a disgrace, mother.â
And you, the timid girl, you had just sat with them and swallowed every tear, because nobody in this family was supposed to cry - not even after losing your own child.
You wondered if that had been the moment you started slowly losing the love for your husband who you had deeply loved from the first the moment he struck up a conversation with you at the university where he had been invited to as a guest speaker. Three months in, you got pregnant and another three months later, were married.Â
You had never graduated with your degree, but you hadnât cared, because you had loved him deeply. For you, it had always been enough - but never for his family. It struck you the moment you had lost your baby and fell from grace.
For two more years, you had wondered whether you could restore the fading love or find another way to feel so deeply again. You had been stuck in a limbo where you questioned if it was some strange form of Stockholm Syndrome you had developed or whether you were just too weak of a person to break free, too afraid to never find love again.Â
When one night two months ago, you had found your husband all immersed in work and family problems on the death anniversary of your child which he clearly had forgotten about, you had finally figured that he was a simple man who would always be under the control of his mother. There was no need to fight for what had long been lost. You were much stronger alone.
âYou are only still here, because a divorce is a disgrace, never forget that and be grateful you have everything you need. Other women would happily trace places with you.â
âThen let them!â It was the first time you heard yourself raising your voice against her. âLet them replace me! You know we donât love each other anymore, why donât you let me go then?â
âOh, darling.â Your mother-in-law stretched out her hand and touched your cheek. It felt ice cold, but you couldnât move as your body turned to stone. âI would have, but youâre just so easy to keep here, why bother in the first place? I can keep you low and our reputation stored, itâs much better than dealing with a hassle.â
No, you werenât easy to keep anymore anymore, you were just very good at hiding all of it and keeping up your facade. Maybe before, you would have caved and given in. Maybe before this all, you would have crouched in front of her. Maybe, before you hired your lawyer, you wouldnât have had these thoughts at all. But only the imagination of him gave you everything you needed to fight back years of suppression.Â
âIâm not scared of you.â
The slap came unexpectedly, leaving a visible mark on the side of your face. You gasped for air as you held onto the burning skin, your senses not coming together just yet over what had just happened. It felt like the spot got handled with many needles trying to push through a thin layer.
âThe next time youâre robbing your own house, make sure to not leave footprints all over the scattered papers, the police might be onto something. I donât know whoâs helping you, if that person is a criminal or your affair, but if you really have some kind of shady thing going on behind my back, I will take you down and your entire family with you.â A threat so sharp that cut through the air like a knife. âNobody knows about this, so I will do you a favor and keep it between us. If you continue with whatever youâre planning, I promise you, you will regret it deeply.â
Your family⊠you didnât know when you had last seen them. You missed them dearly and there was no way you could put them in danger.
That was the only thing you could think of before you snapped back to reality as the entrance door closed behind you.
____
âWho did this to you?â
Your lawyer was kneeling in front of you, inspecting your bruised face with hands so gentle and a gaze so soft, it reminded you all of last night. You were sitting on the couch in his office, legs pulled up to your chest, staring at him but at the same time through him.
âWho?â he asked again as you didnât respond, this time more insistently. He jumped back to his feet. âWho did this to you? Your husband?! Iâm gonna k-â
Reluctantly, you shook your head. âNo, it was my mother-in-law. She knows.â
âShe knows about what? Whatever she knows, it doesnât give her the right to physically abuse you!â You had never seen him this agitated and furious before as he walked around his office in a haste, apparently in search of something.Â
âShe knows that Iâm onto something⊠with someone,â you admitted, fearing that he might get angry as you had not been careful enough. âShe mentioned my shoeâs footprints over the scattered papers on the ground⊠I walked all over them, remember?â
âSo what?â your lawyer dismissed in an instant. âThis doesnât mean anything. If this divorce makes it to the court, no judge will pay attention to this detail. You live in the house, naturally your footprints will be somewhere.â
You lowered your head, but sensed him walking back to you and pressing something against your cheek, providing instant relief to your burning skin. It was an empty, cold glass. âSorry, I donât have anything else here. I hope it helps.â
âThank you.â
âWhat else did she say?â he inquired. âWhatever she said, I promise you, in this divorce, I will wring her out until sheâs dry and has nothing left anymore. Then, I will push even further, that much I can do.â
âSheâs right with everything sheâs said to me,â you whispered absent-mindedly, rotating the glass on your skin so that the spot would always meet a cold surface. âIâm so easy to keep, thatâs why Iâm still there.â It was a paradox to you how a much older and tinier woman had brought up enough strength to hurt you this deeply, inwardly and outwardly. âBut what was I supposed to do all this time? Iâm from a reputable family and have willingly signed this contract, giving away my rights, my freedom. It was very convenient for them⊠I was only a convenience that had come along at the right time as their son wasnât married yet. And then, I couldnât even bear my child, and it turned me into a disgrace in an instant.â
âStop!â your lawyer called out, bracing his arms against his desk that then creaked under his weight. His eyes were forcibly closed and there was a huge frown forming on his face. âDonât ever talk about yourself like this again!â
âBut itâs the truth!â you protested. âShe may not be in the right, but she is right about me! I willingly agreed to cut off contact with my family, friends, everyone. And then it takes me two years to do something against it! Letâs face the truthâŠâ
âDonât say that,â he pleaded lowly, his knuckles turning white as he added more pressure to his grip against the deskâs edge. âItâs not like you. You were always so full of hope, in a fighting mode.â
âI still am!â you disagreed. âI still am full of hope and fighting, but letâs face the truth... Iâm so young and I will have been through a divorce in the near future. Iâve lost a child, I donât have a degree, no money for now, no prospects. Who would even want me anymore?â
You didnât except an answer, it was only a rhetorical question, but he still gave you one,
âMe. I would.â
You heaved up your head, expecting to encounter a grin as your lawyer had just joked around to lift up your spirits in a meek attempt, but as you met his gaze, your breath caught. He was not kidding. He was dead serious, and by now you could quite well distinguish between his serious and joking demeanor.
âJaehyunâŠâ
His brows drew together, and he eventually broke out in a relieved smile, just a little bit. âFinally, you call me by my first name, even now.â
âMr. Je- Jaeh-â You shook your head in confusion. You suddenly didnât know what to think, say or even feel anymore. âPlease donât joke around, now is not the time.â
âIâm offended that you think Iâm joking after all this time. I donât make jokes about that.â
You dropped the glass on the cushion and jumped out of your seat, moving to the other end of the office room, far away from him. You couldnât bear being so close to him with all that nonsense that he was speaking, because you feared that a big part of you wished for it to become true.Â
âYou know that I am looking for my one true love.â
âWho said it canât be me?â
âIâm still married to Kang Seungmin.â
âThen I will have to hurry up with the divorce papers.â
âI want to get a degree and open my business before marrying again.â
âIâm willing to support that and wait.â
âYouâre so full of life and Iâm so broken.â
âThen Iâll bring you back to life too.â
Why did everything he say sound so illogical, yet so tempting? If life was only that easy as he always made it seem with his shady business, maybe there was still hope for you, too. You longed for the lighthearted young woman you had been in the past, and something inside you, maybe the remnants of her, believed that with him, she could find her way back to the surface.
âYou donât understand the depths of my trauma, you cannot love me, Mr. Jeong.â You turned back to the couch and picked up your purse. Walking towards the door, you told him, âI wish we would have met before all of this happened. I wish you would have met me when I was still in university. You would have liked me more back then and my life would have turned out differently.â
âYour life can still turn out differently, because it doesnât matter when we would have met. I would have liked you all the same.â
You wanted to walk out, but your fingers remained on the door handle, refusing to move. Your cheeks were burning, but on both sides and for an entirely different reason now than shortly before. You were crying hot tears that were streaming down your face. âYou donât know what youâre sayingâŠâ
Suddenly, you felt his hot breath against your neck and flinched. But he didnât touch you, no matter how desperately you wanted it, and you continued to fight against this desire.Â
âWe can also fall in love now, forget about the past and start again.â
âThis is what you cannot understand,â you spoke earnestly. âI can never forget about the past, Mr. Jeong. And I refuse to do so, because itâs a part of me and will become a part of my partner too. My current husband has failed to allow this to happen to him.â
Then, your fingers were finally moving and you slipped out of his office. You used the stairs this time, running all the way to the ground floor. Only outside of the building, you were ready to come to a standstill and start breathing regularly again. You were sweating unlike ever before, hot and cold waves washing through your body.
But you continued your way by walking, walking all the way home, whether directly or in circles, you didnât know. You just kept walking until it was nighttime, until you returned to your house where emptiness was awaiting you.
And as you stood there, alone in the darkness, you wondered how long it would take for it to consume you entirely.
You refused to let it get this far. Not again.
____
A few days later, you were standing in front of a grave that you generally avoided visiting except for only one time a year. The pain was too much to bear alone as nobody had ever bothered to accompany you.
This year, you were here for the second time - but this time you had company.
âIâm sorry if the things Iâve said back then were too insensitive,â Jaehyun apologized. âJust because Iâm older doesnât mean Iâm more experienced. Of course I donât know anything about your pain.â
âThatâs why I brought you here,â you told him, your look unwavering from the small tombstone. âI want to share it with you. If you still want to love me after this, then I will believe you.â
âŠ
When you found out that you were pregnant, you werenât shocked like so many girls your age, who had just entered university, would generally feel.Â
You were head over heels in love with your boyfriend who, despite your huge age gap and his position in the company, had made it his priority to shower you with gifts and love. That this was considered âlove bombingâ and âgroomingâ, you would only figure out later. Up until this day, you were still convinced your love for him was real. It just wasnât your fault that you were an easy target. It was his fault that he had even approached you in the first place as a grown man ten years older than you.
It only took one time for the two stripes on the test to appear. His happiness wasnât feigned, and neither was yours. Of course you would drop out of university and get married. Marrying into this family would mean to never have to work anymore anyway and only caring for your child and husband. The fact that this was all convenient for a man who couldnât keep a woman his age and was under so much pressure from his family, you would only figure out later.Â
It was a shotgun wedding, but of course that wasnât what was written all over the news. To his familyâs luck, you werenât showing yet and from a reputable background, but you had to hurry up with the wedding nonetheless. You were anticipating this child so much, even though your family tried to sabotage your wedding. That was probably why you were so easy to get talked into cutting off all contact with the people related to you. They didnât understand you. The fact that they only tried to warn and save you, you would only figure out much later.
You signed away your inheritance, because what was yours was his, and thus for your child and every future child as well, it sounded all logical. You felt loved and cared for unlike ever before. Why be with your unsupportive family when every love and warmth you could find with your husbandâs family? Other people looked for love all their lifetime and were unsuccessful. You were lucky to have found the love of your life at an early age.Â
The fact that the people who told you you were too young to marry were not jealous, but only caring, you would only figure out much laterâŠ
⊠when you were lying in your bed with cramps so bad, you thought you were going to die. Except that it was the child inside of you, who was almost due to be born, was the one dying.
There hadnât been any signs. He had been healthy. Yet, somehow, his heart had stopped beating.
They took your baby out with a c-section, you had only held him in your arms once. Nobody had shown up to share this incredibly painful moment with you.Â
This moment that had dragged you into a darkness which would take you years to break free from.
âŠ
âSuddenly,â you continued, speaking to Jaehyun, âI wasnât the beloved daughter-in-law anymore. I was a disgrace. If I cannot keep a baby, why bother about me? My body cannot function properly, it refuses to act according to nature. Nobody looked at me the same way anymore, not even my husband. While my mother-in-law confronted me with disgust and anger whenever we met, it was disappointment that was mirrored in my husbandâs eyes. He wanted to try again, his mother wanted him to. They didnât give me a moment to mourn my stillborn child.â
âDid heâŠ?â Jaehyun started, unable to speak out the words, but you shook your head.
âShe insulted him many times, but he never did anything against my will. We did genuinely try though, I didnât want to give up on my marriage, but I think my body already had. Sometimes, I caught him lying to his mother that we were trying when we had long stopped. This, Iâm grateful for. But it made her hate me even more, because Iâm in the wrong as I cannot conceive according to her.â
âThis is horribleâŠâ
You stood there, side by side, looking at your babyâs grave. âSometimes I think he knew what kind of life was awaiting him and chose to not join me. I would have been a horrible mother under these circumstances.â
âHe?â
âMy baby was a boy.â
âNo.â Jaehyun shook his head and suddenly reached for your hand. He was holding it for a long time, before he eventually said, âYou would have been the best mom, no matter the circumstances.â
âSo why is my baby not with me now?â you sobbed. âWhy did it leave me?â
This was a question you were asking yourself over and over again, ever since it had happened. Your therapist had advised you to let go of these thoughts and the guilt, finally breaking free from that darkness by moving on. But you just couldnât and had stopped going to the sessions from then on. She hadnât understood the depths of your pain either - or so you had thought.
âMaybe,â Jaehyun started and removed his hand from yours to put it on your shoulder and shift you around to him instead. âYour baby didnât leave you. Maybe your baby just sensed it wasnât the right time and is waiting to come back to you when youâre ready again. Then, youâll see each other again.â
You cried even harder at this point, only slowly realizing that Jaehyun had his arms wrapped around you now, embracing you tightly. Somehow, you had missed someone like this throughout all the years of pain, someone who listened, who was willing to share your suffering, who made it all more durable. Someone who was finally seeing you and acknowledging the depths of your pain.Â
Had your lawyer been this person all along and it was meant for you to only find him now when you were ready for it?
âI like that thought,â you brought out under tears. âThat I will see my baby again.â
âAnd your baby will also see your family and friends. I will make sure of that.â
âJaehyunâŠâ He pressed your face against his chest and rested his chin on the top of your head, tenderly brushing over your hair.
âI still want to love you. With all your pain, all your scars. I still want to love you.â
This time, you believed him.
Even more so when you came back to the grave a few days later. You didnât want to run away anymore. If you freed your pain and didnât lock it away in an abandoned room, it would grow easier to be a part of your life. That was why you wanted to confront your darkness and pay visits to your babyâs grave more frequently.
⊠Only to find out that someone had been here shortly before you, leaving a bouquet of fresh lilies.
Jaehyun really wanted to love all of you, past and present.
____
âThese are the finished documents.â
Your divorce file was thick. You were sitting at Jaehyunâs desk and were only skimming over the first few pages. Every single paragraph was dissected and laid out very carefully, in every little detail so that no word could be misunderstood.Â
You didnât know why you had failed to pay attention to this before, but Jaehyun was incredibly intelligent and determined. He must have worked almost restlessly on these papers and had really meant it when he had said to hurry up with.
âWhatâs going to happen now?â you asked, hesitant to hear the answer.
âI will send this file to your husband and he will probably consult his own lawyer. Which is legally his right, even if he agrees on everything. Depending on how much he or his family wants to change, it will take months to⊠years negotiating, going back and forth.â
YearsâŠÂ
You had told Jaehyun to wait until you were a divorced woman. That much respect you still had for your husband, even though you had already taken off your wedding band. And truth to be told, you were still unsure about Jaehyun. It wasnât a decision you could make overnight at such a state, you had only loved one man in your life so far. Your next choice had to be the right choice, and how could you have already figured out if he was the right choice?
You didnât want to get married on and off, it wasnât supposed to be that easy, so you had to be as sure as possible. But then again, you had been fooled once by the love of a man close to your possible future loverâs age. How was it possible you werenât going to be alluded into a marriage by false promises and hopes again? You might be a bit older and wiser than back then, but did it also apply to your heart?
âThis is the toughest part,â Jaehyun continued explaining. "Negotiating. But I will always be by your side, remember that, I will accompany you on every step.â
You wondered whether negotiating with your husband or resisting your lawyer would be harder for you to do in the future.
âThen I will probably need a place to stay during the entire process. I should move to a hotel first and then go from there.â
âThere is no need,â Jaehyun dismissed and got up from his chair. âI have a place for you to stay.â
You tilted your head in confusion. âWhat do you mean?â
âLetâs go.â
You took his car and he drove to a part of the city, far outside of the bustling center, which you hadnât stepped foot in in years, even though it was close to your current neighborhood. This was where you had grown up, this was where you had spent the majority of your life. This was the area where your parents lived.
The car came to a stop right outside of your familyâs house.
âHere we are.â
You turned your head away from the window, the sight of your childhood home causing tears to well up behind your eyes. âIâm not supposed to come here, Jaehyun.â
âSays who?â
âThe contract.â
âThe contract is bullshit,â he blatantly called out. âWho would have even controlled whether you came here? No one. You could have come here all the time without anyone noticing, you know that. You just⊠didnât want to or couldnât bring yourself to. Am I right?â
He had called you out, and you couldnât close your ears from the truth much longer. He was right. No one had ever controlled you. Perhaps, they hadnât had to as by your mother-in-law, you had always been too weak to go against the rules. When you had grown out of this phase though, it was long too late to make amends.
âIn the beginning, my family and friends all tried to reach out to me. But whenever we talked, I only heard âYouâre too young to marry, donât do it!â, âCome home, you donât need to stay thereâ, and much more. I dismissed their words, I thought they werenât happy for me and didnât understand me. So I eventually cut off any form of communication which was aided by my mother-in-law taking away my phone after catching me calling my mother once. They never knew I was pregnant, I wasnât allowed to tell anyone. I had a new family who would take care of me, I didnât need them anymore. Until I was all alone at childbirth and knew I had made the wrong decision.â
âThe more you tell me about your in-laws, the bigger my desire grows to unalive them with my bare hands.â
You nervously kneaded your fingers, your gaze fixed on the movements. âIt was their form of manipulation, isolating me from everything and everyone that could change my mind and open my eyes to the truth. Eventually, my trauma had done the job. It also made me realize that I am the one to blame too. I could always reach out in other ways, but never did. With time, my guilt grew to such an extent that every form of reconnection would spiral me into much deeper guilt. So I gave up like they have given up on me. It was easier to think this way as I could never forgive myself for the things Iâve said and done.â
âBut theyâve never given up on you.â
You shrugged. âYou wouldnât know.â
âExcept that I do. Why else would we be here?â
Your head snapped up and you looked at Jaehyun, then outside of the window in the direction of your house where at the same moment, the entrance door opened, that much you could see over the high metal fence surrounding the garden.
âWhatâŠâ You were lost for words.
âLike you will never stop loving your child, your parents will never stop loving you too, no matter how many irrational decisions you make, no matter how many cruel things you say to them. You will always have their love,â Jaehyun explained slowly so that you could process at the same time. âA few days ago, I looked for them, drove here and explained the situation. But I left out a few important parts as it is entirely your story to tell them. I think you will have a lot to talk about in the upcoming days. Look, theyâre waiting for you already.â
It was at this moment that you realized that you had never experienced love in its purest form.
Until now.Â
And you werenât referring to your parents as that was another form of love, family love. You werenât referring to your friends either as that was platonic love. You certainly weren't referring to your husband either as that had turned out to only be conventional love.
You were referring to Jaehyun going through lengths to reconnect you with your family along with many other things. You suddenly werenât alone anymore. Life suddenly looked so bright and full of hope when you had someone to also share the happy moments with.
You werenât alluded by false hopes and promises. He was a man of words and actions unlike anyone you had ever met before. And if this wasnât true love, then what was? There was no guarantee, no glimpse into the future. There was only your heart following a path he shaped for you in the purest form possible, hoping that one day, you would return his feelings.
âJaehyun, I-â
âWait.â He cupped your face and smiled when you were facing each other. âIt can wait. Go to your parents first. Take your time. Then, you can come to me and tell me everything you want to tell me, alright?â
âThank you.â And these two words couldnât even express the entirety of gratitude you felt towards him, among so many other things.
He gave you a kiss on your forehead, then watched you open the door, walking towards your parents.
____
Jaehyun wasnât having a good day.Â
In fact, he hadnât had a good week altogether.
He was grumpy with his employees, sloppy with his files and overall not at the peak of his law-game. His assistant had to point out mistakes in the papers more than several times and was already overly annoyed before he said goodbye for the week, leaving Jaehyun alone in his office.
He missed you incredibly, and it was messing with his usually organized and cool head. Suddenly he caught himself by what he had been trying to avoid all along: emotions caused by love.Â
Jaehyun had known what it was the moment you went to the bar together, hair flying carefreely around your heated cheeks. Back then, he had only wished to keep the smile on your face forever, it suited you so much better than the stern and calculated look. Having you wrapped in his arms, he had been awake for the majority of the night that followed, thinking about how he could protect you from a world this cruel, a world that had treated you so unfairly all your life, causing you all this pain that nobody should ever endure.
Jaehyun had never been afraid to love, but afraid to admit that he was secretly looking for a lifelong love too, just like everyone else. After all, he was proven every day by wives consulting him that true love was just a misconception and people were mere life partners that eventually parted ways to look for someone new. His job was to break love, not to create it. And now he was finding himself in exactly that stateâŠ
⊠head over heels in love with a woman he never wanted to let go again. A woman whose absence drove him crazy, because every minute he was parted from her felt like a lifetime. Jaehyun certainly had been in love in the past, but he had never gone through these extents for someone outside of his profession.
It made him question his choice of occupation nowadays. And ironically enough, this train of thoughts led him to your husband of whose lawyer he hadnât heard anything at all. The divorce papers had certainly been delivered to him, but no one had reached out to him in return yet. He made it his mission to take care of this tomorrow.
From the corner of his eyes, Jaehyun saw his office door open and a person walking in, pulling him out of his thoughts. He was currently storing away some files and ready to head home as well.Â
âWeâre closed already, come back tomorrow and make an appointment with my secretary.â
âBut I need an appointment right now, Mr. Jeong.â
Jaehyunâs heart nearly jumped out of his chest in happiness when he heard your voice and shifted around. But the woman in front of him didnât have much in common with the woman who had intruded his office back then.
Instead of pant suits, pencil skirts and high heels, you were wearing a long flowy skirt, a matching blouse and flats. Your hair was falling loosely over your shoulders like the night in the bar, and Jaehyun was sure he had never seen you this beautiful and full of life before. And if it was possible, he loved you even more now.
He dropped the files on the desk and straightened his shoulders. âHow was the time with your parents?â he asked, reluctant as to what to do next. He didnât want to push you, even though there were a million other thoughts in his mind right now and none of them had anything to do with small talk.
âWe talked a lot. We cried a lot together, too,â you summarized for him, and he noticed that even your way of speaking had changed. You sounded more confident, but instead of it stemming from your insecurities, it rooted from deep and dripped with sincerity. âIt was good, taking a few days off to think about everything.â
âAnd to what conclusion did you come to?â Jaehyun didnât know why this question made him so nervous.
A faint smile tugged on the corners of your lips. âI came to the conclusion that time is too precious to be wasted, Jaehyun. Iâve lost so much time with my parents just because I was weak, and I wonât get it back, nor can I turn it back. I can only do the best with our remaining time from now on. But there is no way I will make this mistake of losing my time with someone I love again.â
Jaehyun took a deep breather, trying to keep his composure. âYou wanted to wait until your divorce, until you were sure.â
âI know.â You paused. âBut when I thought about what I would regret more⊠I just couldnât stand the thought of seeing you moving on, maybe with another woman. And it might be not in your book now, but how do we know what the future brings? I would only regret letting you go without even trying. I was never given a choice, but this, this is my choice. You gave me a choice. And I decided for this, I want this, Jaehyun.â
He cleared his throat and reached for his tie, loosening it a bit as he thought it currently cut off his breathing. âDo you know what youâre saying?â He took a stop towards you. âBe careful.â
You snickered - a tone that sounded like music in his ears - and took a step towards him as well.Â
âMr. Jeong, Iâm willing to play dirty in private as well. Where do I sign?â
____
Jaehyun wiped his desk free with one hand. Documents, pens, his notebook and even a lamp dropped to the floor, but luckily did not shatter. You let out a gasp, first because you got startled by his impulsive action, and then because he had picked you up and sat you on the desk.
You almost physically felt the electrifying tension between your faces that had built up over the past few weeks, and as your lips came crashing down on each other, it was like sparks flew into every direction to finally celebrate the release of all this pent-up desire.
Jaehyunâs lips were warm and soft, and very demanding. His hands were holding onto your face, angling you up to him as though he wanted you whole, taste, scent and all. Never in your life had you been kissed with so much passion and longing, being claimed in a way a woman could dream of.
You had been intimate only with your husband before, and where lovemaking with him was quiet, lukewarm and quite trite, the onset of the very same act with Jaehyun pushed up too high of what was ever possible in your sole imagination.Â
You were wild, fiery and loud. Oh, you could have never imagined to be that loud during the act. You threw your head back as Jaehyun kissed your neck, leaving wet trails where his lips passed. Letting out a moan, you spread your legs wider and pulled him close between your thighs. You chuckled silently when you felt him having grown so much already.
Goosebumps covered your legs as you felt him reaching under your skirt and pulling up the fabric. Jaehyunâs hands were roaming over your thighs, moving back and forth across your skin, and you simultaneously grew very hot in places you had long forgotten about. He tugged on the waistband of your panties, his fingers sliding between your folds and slowly rubbing there, causing you to catch your breath because of the intensity of the sensations.
Everything was going too slow for you now, and you wanted all of him all over you, inside of you. An inner voice was screaming desperately after him.
Suddenly, you halted.
âWhatâs wrong?â Jaehyun asked, worried.
âI⊠I donât know how this works anymore.â
âWhat do you mean?â
â... this. Is it silly?â
You drew your brows together, expecting to be laughed at, but Jaehyun just smiled mildly and tucked a strand of your loose hair behind your ear. How could you have ever thought heâd make fun of you? He never had.Â
âNothing is silly. You were just so into it, whatâs gotten into your mind?â
âI donât know if Iâm going to be⊠good. And I have⊠scars.â
You threw a meaningful gaze at him, hopeful heâd understand without many more explanations, and he did. You wouldnât be his chosen woman if you werenât still putting so many thoughts into one single action.Â
âYou still have problems to loosen up,â he concluded. âBut donât worry. If you trust me completely, it will all be fine and I will help you get your head free. So⊠do you trust me fully?â
It only took you a near-whispered âyesâ before he swept you off the desk and carried you, with your thighs tightly wrapped around his waist, to his couch. Not even a minute later, you found yourself with your skirt all draped around your hips and your panties hanging loosely on one of your feet.
You didnât see Jaehyunâs head anymore, only feeling his hair in a tight grip where your panties should have been, seeing stars dancing across the ceiling that you were currently facing while he ate you out like he had all the time in the world, sensually and delicately.
His tongue dragged along your folds that had long gotten wet the first time his mouth came close to your core. Gone were all your worries and doubts, there was no room to think about anything else than he way he was devouring you now, licking and sucking between your thighs until your eyes rolled back and his name fell from your lips like hurried prayers, interrupting his slurping sounds,
âJaehyun, Jaehyun, JaehyunâŠâ
You angled your knees as you felt something tightening inside your lower stomach that you couldnât pinpoint. It had first started off as a small spark, but was now coiling into something bigger that tugged on every fiber of your body. You were quite sure the fact that Jaehyun sucked on your clit and simultaneously thrusted his fingers inside of you was responsible for this indescribable feeling, more so when he grabbed you by your bare cheeks with his hands and pressed you against his mouth even stronger.Â
You had had orgasms before. At least that was what you had thought. They had come like a small wave, giving you a pleasant feeling and luring a silent sigh out of you, and that had been it. This orgasm right now though was on a whole other level.Â
Your whole body tensed up as though trying to protect itself from what was about to come, but no resistance in the world could withstand the persistence of the man who loved you to make you feel good. The coiled up sensation exploded inside of you the moment you thought you were going to die from endless pleasure, and then spread not only into your body, but also mind.Â
There was no control over how your body reacted, you held onto Jaehyunâs head like a lifeline with your head lolled back, and screamed his name as though in need for help, your body leaking fluids in places you would have been originally embarrassed for, but Jaehyun loved it, every single reaction he was able to lure out of you.
Underneath him didnât lie the uptight, suppressed woman anymore, in pantsuits and with no hair out of place. It was a new woman he had now unraveled, with wild hair, heated cheeks, liberated and eager to explore worlds she had never set foot into before. And he would guide her all the way into his world.
With a grin, Jaehyun wiped over his smudged mouth while you were still trying to catch your breath, but eventually returned his expression, ready for more. His fingers were trembling a bit when he first got rid of your skirt and then unbuttoned your flowy blouse.Â
A flash of concern ran through your face in the blink of a moment when he undid the last button, but he understood. He helped you out of the garment, and when you eventually laid back again in front of him, bare-chested and naked from head to toe, he saw.
Jaehyun left no room for you to mistrust him though. Undressing himself from head to toe first, he then kneeled in front of you on the cushion and leaned in. With warm fingers, he reached out to your lower abdomen and then gently touched the spot of which you had been so afraid to let him see.Â
But the c-section-scar was a part of you and Jaehyun loved every single bit. âYouâre so beautiful,â he let out, and you believed every single syllable.
He had you tightly embraced with your legs around his waist when he slowly but deliberately pushed into you. At first, it hurt quite a bit, because you hadnât had been this intimate in so long, but when it showed on your face with a frown, Jaehyun paused and made sure you still truly wanted this with soft kisses on your temple and mouth, so that the tightness vanished almost right away.
He was settled inside of you, thick, full, and pulsing, and even though this was so much for you to take already, you wanted him to move, needed him to move. When he didnât instantly do so though, you nearly embarrassingly pushed up against him and tried to get a tiny bit of gratification by yourself.
Jaehyun laughed lowly and kind of threateningly. âTake deep breaths first, because you are in for a long ride.â
You winced when he pulled out and only let his tip remain, because you feared he would stop right here, but then met him with a breathless gasp when he slammed back into you full force. It cost you all the air in your lungs, but you needed him to do it again as well, because it had hit a spot you had always been convinced had never existed for you in the first place.
But it did. And Jaehyun penetrated it with every thrust that he alternated between fast and shallow and slow and deep. The couchâs cushion got wet and sticky under you, and your screams only grew louder too, but you didnât mind and didnât care, especially not when he suddenly flipped you over and you were sitting on him, having him sheathed deep inside your core.
âYouâre so beautifulâ, Jaehyun repeated. He stretched out his hand and curled a lock of your hair between his fingers that he then slid down along your breast, scar and let it eventually rest on your hip. âRide me,â he then pleaded, âride me, please.â
Despite the fact that you had never done that before, the motions came to you naturally with the guidance of his grip around your waist. It felt good for you to decide how deep and in which angle you wanted to have him, and as you were sliding along him, you felt another orgasm nearing that you unfortunately failed to chase.
âOut of breath?â Jaehyun asked, lids heavy after enjoying this sight too much.
âI want to cum again,â you confessed, âbut somehowâŠâ
Jaehyun returned to his former position, but this time, placed either of your legs across his left and right shoulder. You didnât know what else he was doing, but when he filled you all up from the inside again, you were feeling him so deeply and intensely like never before.Â
The second orgasm for this day found its root not in the pit of your stomach, but feeded on every inch of your body, so that it was an experience that left you shaking with all limbs, Jaehyun following along in long spurts across your stomach.Â
âIâve never imagined sex to be like this,â you admitted when you laid in his arms shortly later, a thin blanket draped over you. The office had long closed.Â
âLike what?â Jaehyun asked and kissed your temple.
âSo good.â
He laughed and pulled you closer to him. âThat was not even my best performance yet, trust me.â
You opened your mouth in wonder. âYou can do it even better? I can hardly believe it.â
âYou want to try?â he challenged. âDonât worry, we have all the time in the world to try out everything you want.â
âOkay,â you agreed. âAll the time in the world, for sure. But maybe we can still start with it tonight. You never know-â
You didnât have to call out to him twice before he disappeared under the blanket.
____
âI must say, Iâm impressed. I didnât expect this from you.â
The photos landed in front of your feet.
They showed everything.
Jaehyun and you entering your home dressed all in black, Jaehyun and you leaving the bar together, Jaehyun and you in the car in front of your parentsâ house, Jaehyun and you coming out of his office at different occasions. There were even photos from yesterday after you both hadâŠ
You stood in the living room, petrified, not even your eyes were able to move to look directly at the person that was approaching you.
âYou must wonder how much truth someone can spill when you just offer them more bribery money than the original party,â your mother-in-law said. âNeedless to say, the security guard no longer needs his job here after providing me with the respective videos. And the rest was the dedicated work of my private detective. I sensed that something was off and hired him shortly after reading the police report on the seeming robbery.â
When you eventually lifted up your head, she stood there, looking at you with much disgust. It was at that moment that you realized you lost. She was holding the divorce papers in her hands. They had never reached your husband first, but had directly landed in her hands instead.Â
âI donât care,â you sighed deeply. âI donât care anymore. I will sign anything, I am willing to lose everything. Just⊠let me go. Please, just let me go.â
You didnât want the money, you didnât need it. Money would come back, but time didnât, and every bit of energy you still invested in this family felt like you were losing a bit of your lifespan. You just wanted to leave and live a life dedicated to your loved ones from now on.Â
âFine.â You halted, waiting for her to continue as you could almost not believe what she had just said. It couldnât be so easy. âI am willing to let you out of this marriage, under one condition.â
Of course there would be. âWhat?â
âIâve dedicated my entire life to keeping this family together,â she elaborated, âand my hard work paid off when I married off my first son well, making him the CEO of the conglomerate at the same time. My second one⊠well, he was always a little too spoiled and never under as much pressure as his older brother. But I let it pass, because as long as our reputation didnât get stained, I wouldnât look at it twice. I now wish I had as he only grew foolish and reckless. How else would he have gotten the idea of falling in love and getting an almost teenager pregnant out of wedlock?â
âThis fact, we can agree on. But it was your fault that he grew up the way he is now,â you stated in defense. âHe has never learned to deal with emotions, and whenever problems occurred, you were there to clean it all up regardless of the people getting hurt along the way. It was partially your familyâs responsibility to make sure I was taken care of accordingly. The moment we married, I was your responsibility, too.â
Your mother-in-law screwed up her nose. âI did take care of these things my way.â
âAnd they were wrong!â you raised your voice, hoping that somehow, you could still speak some sense into her. âYou pressured me to sign a contract of which its repercussions I could not have known at that time yet. It was my right to consult a lawyer, but I was never given a choice just like your son has never been given a choice. I was only nineteen and stripped of all my future!â
âA child out of wedlock would have destroyed everything Iâve worked so hard for,â she pressed through her gritted teeth, reluctant to admit this. âI did it all to protect my family!â
You shook your head. âAnd look at that family now. Was it all worth it? Was it worth the life youâre living right now?â
She didnât know the answer to that apparently. âIf you had only borne that child like my son wanted so desperately too, the problems would have all dissolved themselves. I would have endured you. Maybe you could have been a happy little family after all. But even for that, you were too weak.â
It stung. The insults pierced right through your heart, but you remembered Jaehyunâs words, and only grew from there. âNo, we wouldnât have been. I would have taken the child and filed for a divorce nonetheless, I know that now.â
âYou ungrateful brat!â the elderly woman suddenly yelled. âDo you know how many girls out there would trade places with you? Youâve gotten everything someone could ever ask for, and for you itâs not enough!â
âBecause there is more to this world than money and reputation!â you screamed back. âItâs not my fault you have failed to see it while you still had a choice, too!â
You were never able to forgive her, that much was true. But somewhere under her hard facade, you were sure, was hiding a young woman who had once dreamed big too. A young woman your age, who had dreamed of the love of her life and her own business. A young woman, who had been robbed of these dreams way too early and had never been given a choice either.
But that young woman had failed to escape as long as she still was able to, and got replaced by a monster that couldnât figure its way out anymore, too entangled in a vicious circle that got passed on from generation to generation.
You wanted to break the circle and make your own choices. Perhaps, if you hadnât gone through the past two years, you wouldnât have had enough courage to feel like this now. Perhaps, if you hadnât gone through the past two years, you would have turned out like her.
The trauma had made you weak, but also much stronger at the same time. You still didnât understand, but in some way, you were grateful.
And the fact that you were now able to walk away was the reason you would always and forever remain superior to your mother-in-law.
âYou must really love that lawyer of yours,â she eventually broke through your thoughts. âI just wonder how far you are willing to go for him to fulfill your condition?â
____
âDid you get your important papers?â Jaehyun happily greeted you when he opened the door to his office. âYouâre back so early, is everything okay?â
The moment you hurried in his direction, he immediately knew that something was wrong. He put his index finger under your chin and angled up your head. The way your entire world shattered when he forced you to hold your gaze indicated that nothing would ever be okay again.Â
âYou have to leave, Jaehyun,â you insisted and grabbed onto his arms. âRight now.â
He didnât ask any questions, but trusted you fully on that. âOkay, let me just get my-â
âNo.â You shook your head. âThe country. You have to leave the country immediately.â
Now, he was stunned. âI donât understand.â
âMy mother-in-law knows everything,â you uttered with a trembling voice. You told him about all the bribery and the detective, and eventually about her ultimatum. âShe has collected a record of illegal activities reported against you, and she will go to the police with all of it to file a charge of your criminal activities. They have connections there, Jaehyun. She promised me if she wants, she will get you in jail. Is it true? Everything on the list?â
You recited a few bullet points you had been able to remember in a whim the short moment she was holding the paper in front of you. You directly saw it in his eyes, that fact that everything was as bad as it sounded. Robbery, data corruption, forgery, lying in front of the court⊠you named it.
âOh godâŠâ You needed a moment and sat down on the couch. âJaehyun, she can really put you in jail!â
âThen Iâll leave the country!â he instantly caved. âWe can live in New York or LA instead. Iâll book the next flight, we donât need anything. We will just start anew.â
But by your expression alone, he understood that this was only wishful, silly thinking. Only one of you could be free, and you werenât willing to trade his freedom for yours. He had always been free, you had always been caged. You didnât rob the person you loved of their freedom like your husband had done.
âNo⊠Donât make that face. Youâre not gonna stay married to him.â
âJaehyunâŠâ
He sank on his knees in front of you, taking your hands into his. âThen I will go to jail if it means you can get divorced to your advantage. How many years can I get anyway? I did many things wrong in the past and I donât want to be this kind of person anymore. I will legally atone for my crimes. If it means that youâre going to be free and live a happy life, then I am willing to do so.â
âI wonât ever be able to live a happy life if it is without you. I donât care about my money or my business anymore, Jaehyun. It will all come back, I still have time for this stuff. None of these matter now. What I care about is you. I wonât allow them to take you away from me. They took so much from me already. I canât lose you too and rip you of your future and prospects like they did with me. Itâs not worth it.â
âBut Iâm worth it?â he asked breathlessly. âHow do you know? How do you know you wonât regret everything again?â
You wrapped your fingers around his neck and pulled him nearer to you. âBecause you were willing to understand my pain and connect to my past. Because you left flowers on my babyâs grave and reunited me with my family. Because without you, I wouldnât have had the courage to do all this. Nobody has ever gone through such lengths for me. If this is not true love, then I donât want to live in a world this deluded.â You pressed your forehead against his. âAnd because I truly love you too, Jaehyun, I am willing to sacrifice this all.â
He reluctantly added, âThere is another way out⊠There must be.â
There was a hint of a faint smile on your face. âThere is not.â
âThere is always!â he opposed, almost desperately.
Jaehyun sank onto the cushion next to you and buried his face in his palms. Was that what defeat felt like? He had expected it to hit him hard and knock him off his feet like a wave. Instead, defeat felt like drowning. Slow, torturous drowning.
âPerhaps, but not now, not for us. If only we had been given a bit more time⊠But I was selfish and pushed too far, and if you donât leave the country now, you will go to jail. And if I leave with you, then all my beloved ones will pay the price, too. The damage would be more collateral. I cannot allow this to happen, so I will stay.â
âPromise me you wonât stop fighting.â He looked at you through heavy-lidded eyes. âThat you will still fight for your freedom with every help you can get. Promise me you will never give up.â
You were trying so hard to keep your composure, but ultimately all your walls broke and you were crying hot tears in Jaehyunâs arms. He held you tightly for what might be the last time ever as you repeated,
âI will keep fighting.â
____
Jaehyun had made a decision.Â
For that decision, he was currently collecting every tiny piece of evidence possible from his entire career as a divorce attorney.Â
He had always been very structured, detailed and thorough with his records, which was why it didnât take him long to find stuff that would be enough to lock him up for years. And he kept digging so as to not leave room for the police to find more than he would hand over. If he came clear with everything and turned himself in, punishment wouldnât be so hard and he could see you again in a few years time.Â
You didnât want this, he knew, but in a hopeless situation, this was the scenario that was the most hopeful.
Ironically, Jaehyun thought to himself, he had never been a person full of hope before meeting you.
âCan I come in?â
A monotonous male voice interrupted him, and he absent-mindedly answered, âIâm busy and weâre already out of the office hours. Come back tomorrow.â
âI just assumed you might want to read through these papers right now, checking whether I signed everything right.â
Jaehyun had never heard your husbandâs voice in real life before, but now that he had and looked up from his desk, he found it really matched his face. It was dull and boring, even though he was a conventionally good-looking, well groomed man in his early thirties - that much he was able to judge objectively considering he hated him to the core.
âI donât know whether youâre stupid or brave coming here,â Jaehyun said coldly. âIâll just freely assume itâs both.â
Mr. Kang let a bag, that Jaehyun only noticed now, drop on the floor, not reacting to his taunt at all. By your stories alone, he already got the impression that your husband wasnât a man of many words⊠or emotions and expression at all.Â
âInside here are a few clothes, her documents, ID and passport. She wanted to get these this morning, right? And here are the signed divorce papers.â He dropped the staple on Jaehyunâs desk. âIâve already consulted my lawyer. Whatever sheâs asking for, she will get. I will agree on everything.â
Jaehyun drew the paper across the surface closer to him. He turned a few pages and realized that no alterations had been made so far. And Mr. Kangâs signature was right there as well.
âWhere did you get this?â
âWhat my mother has gotten into her hands was a mere copy. The original documents had been handed over to me by the messenger the same day you had sent them out. I apologize that it took me so long. It was a decision easily made, but not easy to get through with my family. But my brother was very supportive and still is. My mother on the other hand, not so much when she will find out tomorrow. Iâll deal with it.â
Jaehyun closed the documents again and heaved up his head. âSo⊠thatâs all?â
âNo.â Mr. Kang quietly shook his head, continuing with his initial monotonous tone, âI cannot prevent her from filing a police report against you, and knowing her, she will directly do so first thing in the morning when I confront her with the facts. Thatâs why you have to make haste and leave the country. Here.â He placed a very obvious plane ticket on the desk that was booked under Jaehyunâs name, dated for today still.
It was not the first time Jaehyun was hearing these words, yet he stood by his decision. âI wonât leave like a coward. I will cooperate and get the punishment I deserve.â
âYou donât know what youâre getting yourself into,â Mr. Kang said, a little more emotion in his voice now. âDo you think when you get released, it will all be over? Itâs only going to start from then on. You will not only lose your practice license, but everyone dear to you too. You will never have a day of peace, and therefore, she wonât either. You donât want that life for her.â
Again, Jaehyun felt hopelessness choking him. He was willing to suffer the rest of his life for all of his wrongdoings if he must. He just didnât want to drag you down with him. âWhat should I do?â
âGo far, far away from here. Donât leave any trace and wait until the divorce is finalized until you let her come to you. I guess you have partners or assistants that can take over the legal parts for you in your firm. Anyway, I will make sure we will push through with the contract that you have set up.â
Jaehyun knew this was the silver lining in a near desperate situation. âCan I still tell her goodbye?â
âIf you want to ever see her again, then you must leave right now. The plane departs at midnight.â
âHow do I know I can trust your words?â
âIndeed, there is no way you can. But you don't have a choice.â
âCan I at least trust you to make sure she will be alright until she can come to me?â
âYes,â Mr. Kang confirmed, and for the first time, Jaehyun could make out a clear expression etched into his face. Relief? âAfter all, I have given her a promise at our wedding. I will keep her safe until itâs all over. Youâre not the only one, I want to atone for all my mistakes too. I just want you to know that I have truly loved her. I just wasnât capable of showing up when I was needed. So Iâm happy for her that someone is now.â
âI think this is something you have to tell her in person yourself. And many more things, probably.â
Mr. Kang nodded.Â
It was not Jaehyunâs place to judge other peopleâs relationships. What you had truly felt for each other at one point in your lives, it was up to you both to make out with yourselves - or not. Jaehyun just didnât want you to hurt any longer. Everything else was irrelevant to him.
âDonât expect a thank you, Mr. Kang.â
âIâm not. Iâm not expecting anything from you, Mr. Jeong.â
Jaehyun hurriedly grabbed the most important documents from his desk and the shelves all while preparing to drop by at his home real quick to pick up his passport. âCan you tell her something from me? Or not⊠whatever you want to do.â He had seldomly felt so at a loss for the right words. âIf you are willing to pass on my message though⊠She will arrive here soon and I need to be gone by then... Tell her to not come and say goodbye. I will contact her when itâs safe. I hope it wonât take long.â
âThis, I will do,â he confirmed. âFor her.â
____
Jaehyun had only packed a small bag with a few clothing pieces, some cash and important documents, nothing more. The papers he was taking with him included a specific file that gave him access to a secret bank account in another country into which he had booked different amounts of money any time he won a case. It wasnât as much as his real asset, but it came close and was definitely enough to start anew somewhere else.Â
âDo you carry any liquids in your bag, sir?â
Jaehyun shook his head. He had already put his bag and jacket on the tray, patting his pockets one last time to look for remaining items he still had to get rid of before passing the security.
âJaehyun!â
Brushing it off as an intrusive thought, he continued with his motions, until he heard again, this time from a clearly familiar voice,
âJEONG JAEHYUN! HOW DARE YOU!â
When he turned around, he caught you verbally fighting with the employees who checked the board pass before passengers moved on to the security. âLet me go, I have to talk to that person!â
âYou need a ticket to pass through here, maâam,â one of them carefully explained to you, flinching any time you made a move as he surely couldnât estimate your outburst.
âFine! Then Iâll buy one! Hurry up!â
âTo buy a ticket, you have to go the counter and-â
âI donât have time for that. Jaehyun!â
He didnât have enough time to process everything of the scenario that was now unfolding in his sight. You really dared to push one employee aside who then stumbled into the other oneâs arms. And before they could catch onto what was currently happening to them, you had already dropped your purse, gripped the railing with two hands and just jumped over the barricade like it was nothing.Â
In the background, Jaehyun perceived how the employees slowly caught onto the happenings after the initial shock and apparently called for backup with their walkie-talkies. Luckily, the TSA hadnât caught wind of your unruly behavior yet as both sections were partially separated by walls, so Jaehyun left everything on the tray behind and ran towards you as you were doing the same.Â
Quickly, he grabbed your hand and dragged you to one corner of the hall, right between these two airport sections, where it would take either party the longest time to arrive.
âWhy are you here?â Jaehyun asked, nearly out of breath when you came to a standstill. âYouâre supposed to pick up your bag from my office and go to your parentsâ house!â
âI know but I couldnât!â You squeezed his hand. âYou were really going to leave without giving me a chance to say goodbye? How dare you!â
âIâm sorry, I justâŠâ Only when he was at the check-in, it had dawned on him that he had made the wrong decision. Even if your husband had warned him, he should have taken that risk. That much, you owed the person you loved. âIâm just not good at saying goodbye. I didnât know what to say⊠even now, I donât know.â
âPlease donât do this! Donât strip me of my choice! Not you too!â
Jaehuyn shook his head and cupped your face. âI would never do that! I would have called or texted you right when I arrived. Even if it was risky. I just cannot bear⊠yeah, this. I didnât want to see you cry again. This time itâs my fault.â
With his thumbs, he brushed over your cheeks, wiping away your tears. From the corners of his eyes, he already saw the fetched security arriving at the section, looking in your direction. There was not much time left anymore.
âThis is my choice,â you said under tears. âYou are my choice. And if you donât come back, Jaehyun, I will fly over there myself, are we in the clear?â
He chuckled and you cracked a faint smile as well. âI believe you. I donât think we need a contract for that. It may take a bit of time⊠so will you wait for me?â
âI will always wait for you. Thatâs what I said, right? I will wait for my true love, no matter how much time it takes. Just please, if you can, donât take too long.â
Jaehyun wrapped his arms around you and pressed you against his chest. The security was already approaching you, but they werenât running, possibly because they had already sensed there was no danger radiating from you. Just two people in love who needed to say one last goodbye to each other.
âIâll hurry up,â he muttered into your hair and placed a kiss on your parting. âIn the meantime, go back to university, get your degree and work hard for your business, but donât forget to live your life, too. I want to return in time for your graduation ceremony.â
âJaehyunâŠâ You looked up to him with big, tear-filled eyes. âThen I will work hard so that it wonât take long.â
Eventually, the security reached them. âMaâam, we have to kindly ask you to leave.âÂ
Jaehyun let go of you before the two security men would drag you away from him themselves, and you unwillingly let him. âI promise Iâll be there!â
âI rely on your word!â you were still able to say before following the security out. âI love you!â
âI love you too.â
____
Police investigations started shortly after Jaehyun landed in the US. They were looking for him the next two years, and you had to stay apart for just as long.
He missed the moment you finalized your divorce after a year.
He missed the moment you re-entered university that same year.
He missed the moment you graduated with your degree a year later.
He missed every single important moment in your life.
____
âGRAND OPENINGâ
was written on the fancy border that hung over the entrance door to your small shop.Â
You hadnât expected for five people to already show up at the opening hour sharp, but you were well prepared and handed them a glass of champagne each. You walked them around, presenting to them a few of your hand-picked pieces.
There were gowns with reserved, classic cuts, more elaborate gowns with a lot of tulle, short skirts, long sleeved dresses, tight and wide dresses, and a broad selection of accessories like veils and gloves in addition.
âMy heart lies within this shop,â you explained to the group of women. âI want to gather as many different styles as possible to suit everyoneâs preferences. After all, itâs going to be the happiest day of your life, and you shouldnât only look beautiful, but also feel comfortable. Whatever you want to add or alternate on your overall look, me and my team will accommodate that. Please feel free to look around and call for me if you need my assistance.â
You moved behind the counter and looked excitedly at your first possible customers, being happy to share this day with the people special to you too as later on, your family and friends would pay you a visit for the official opening party.Â
There was always one person missing though, and whenever you thought of it, your heart got so heavy.
The opening of your own bridal shop was another milestone in your life that Jaehyun was missing. Even though two months ago it was announced that the Aewha Group had gone bankrupt because of a tax fraud having been committed over the years, he had still deemed it unsafe to return and wanted to wait a bit more.Â
You wondered why and slowly grew impatient as the police had already stopped pushing the case forward because of the lack of evidence as almost no one wanted to testify against him. Since the Aewha Group was now down as well and the owners had a fair share of other, graver problems to deal with, you had proposed to him to come pay you a visit.
âItâs too dangerous,â Jaehyun had said.
âThen Iâll come!âÂ
Again, he had said, âYou donât have to. Soon, I can return.â
But when was âsoonâ anyway as heâd been saying it for a year already?
In secret, you had already bought a plane ticket to California for next month. Two years had already passed in which you couldnât see each other, and if it continued, then you would be the one to go to jail for other reasons, you knew that, and those reasons included kidnapping the man you loved.
After an entire day of working where you had been successful to make fitting appointments with three bridal groups, it was time for the opening party. You saw your parents, grandparents, friends and other acquaintances, not only from the past, but also from the last two years, walk into your shop, gazing at the garments and celebrating with you.
There were beverages and snacks being served, everyone was dressed up and music was playing in the background. It was a gathering among the people close to you to celebrate the success you had been working so hard for the past two years.
You knew that, if you hadnât met a certain person, you wouldnât be standing here right now, giving a speech to your loved ones. But after all the trauma and pain, you were here, bright and successful with a future just as promising.
You just wished the person you were the most grateful for could have joined as well.
âThank you so much for coming and celebrating with me. Please enjoy tonight,â you ended your speech.
âThere is something I have to say too,â someone said in the background, and the hair on your neck suddenly stood up. âActually, there is so much I have to say, but I will try to keep it short.â
Only after a few seconds, you were able to break through the petrification. From the corner of your peripheral, you saw your friends giggling and your parents looking at you lovingly. Before you met his gaze eventually, tears already started to burn on the rim of your eyes.Â
You felt his warm hand on your naked arm, his fingers slowly sliding down to intertwine with yours. It had been so long since you had last seen each other in person, but as you now stood in front of Jaehyun, it felt like no time had passed at all.
He was just as handsome and well built as two years ago. If anything, he looked even better. Maturity suited him so well. He was smiling at you, but you couldnât bring yourself to mirror his expression with the same intensity, because different emotions washed over you all at once, so that you didnât know how to feel at first.
You wanted to get angry at him and yell at him why it had taken him so long.
You wanted to wrap your arms around his neck and have him hold you tightly.
You wanted to kiss him deeply and get undressed to feel every inch of him.
In the end, you didnât do anything but start crying. It was all just too much.
âWhy are you here?â you asked, still believing it was all not real.
You felt him squeezing your fingers. âI just couldnât miss another milestone of yours.â
âWhy did it take you so long?â
âThere were a few things I needed to sort out before I could return. Finding someone to take over my law office, for example. Just the formals.â
âWhy didnât you tell me, you idiot? I bought a ticket for next month!â
He threw his head back and laughed. âThatâs what I sensed and came here as fast as possible.â
âHow long are you going to stay?â you sniffed.
âThis time, I hope forever.â You saw him move in your blurry vision and blinked through your tears. Or better say, you saw it blinking in front of your eyes as he was holding a ring in front of you. âIf you let me be your husband, of course. So⊠will you? Will you accept me as your husband?â
You pouted. âWhere are we going to live?â
âHere, of course.â
âAnd youâre not on the run anymore?â
âI will only do stuff according to ethics, morals and the law.â
âCan I plan the wedding myself?â
At this point, you were only teasing him, but after what he had put you through, he let you. âYou can do whatever you want, I will say yes to everything my wife says.â
âVery well.â You paused. âUnder one condition.â
âHm?â
Then, you broke into a wide smile. Those tears on your face had always only been happy tears. âWe will never set up a prenup.â
âOf course,â Jaehyun agreed. âBecause we will never get divorced anyway.â
Then, you finally fell into his arms and kissed him deeply. It was like two missing pieces coming together, a surge of complete bliss streaming through your bodies the moment your lips met. This, this was it. This was what it must feel like to finally be with your true love. You never wanted to be apart again.Â
The ring looked beautiful on your finger, and as you both turned around to show it to your guests, you saw in their reactions that they had been let in on the planned happenings of this night quite a while ago.Â
Your opening party had magically turned into your engagement party.
#jaehyun#jeong jaehyun#nct#nct 127#jaehyun smut#jaehyun imagines#jaehyun scenarios#jaehyun x reader#jaehyun x you#nct smut#nct imagines#nct scenarios#nct x reader#nct x you#nct 127 smut#nct 127 scenarios#nct 127 imagines#nct 127 x you#nct 127 x reader#kpop imagines#kpop scenarios
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Hi do you know Motley by @syrupyyyart yet? If not do you wanna know- just kidding of course you do now sit down and listed to me rant about my silly little oc okay it's probably fun I prommy
Tira Misu is graduate student studying Classics (or whatever the Motley equivalent of "ancient language studies" would be) at [insert name of Harmony City's premier university here lol]. They come across as an introvert if you have them as a student teacher but they actually just hate dealing with undergrads, they're a social butterfly otherwise. Despite that they kinda suck at communication so maybe don't pick them for your group project.
Some extra notes and doodles and such under the cut!
Tira misu is based on the dessert "tiramisu," which is a kind of Italian cake-y dessert that features cocoa powder, coffee, and ladyfingers, among other things. It's actually the only way I can tolerate consuming coffee but tiramisu is one of my favorite desserts and I wanted to make a tired grad student so I thought "why not?"
I wanted to make them look hawkish and a bit pointy, so I really hope that comes across. My main thought while drawing them was literally just "sharp angles and ironed folds" on repeat. Well, that and "who needs to cover your âšïžindecent shouldersâšïž when you can cover your whole neck instead."
Some fun facts that didn't end up on the sheet because I ran out of room:
- They're left handed. That was not intentional but I ended up drawing them that way without thinking and now it is truth.
- As per the lore which I'm assuming is still cannon, Tira runs hot as a fresh cup of coffee because they're a warm color. They only dress up for cold weather because it's a style opportunity.
- Tira looks calm and collected on the outside but they're constantly sprinting through their mind palace while trying to retrieve information at all times.
- Yes that middle brown is also the eyebag color. Yes I know the whole "earning your colors" thing only affects the clothing but I was having fun so please feel free to ignore it agdkdgf
- They don't try to be mean on purpose they're just Like That
- In case the "'Assigned male at birth'? I don't have that in my planner. When's it due?" wasn't clear enough they're a trans woman lol. If you simply must use gendered language they don't mind a "she" every once in a while, as a treat
The character sheet stuff is based on a template by cparrisart that I edited to only have the relevant categories that I wanted lol
Anyway go read about Motley and learn everything about it please it's so fun and cute and I adore everything about it please and thank youuu
#fanart#digital art#motley#no full art for yall this time just some colored sketches and doodles#school is kicking my ass lmao
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Current stress level: Imminent Travel
(This is basically DefCon 1.)
#personal#stress#I am eating my dinner at 21:51 pm#I need to try on all of my clothes and also I hate them#I need to hem the other side of a 140cm piece of fabric by hand by Wednesday night#while also going to work and doing at least 2 more loads of laundry#I need to finish crafting a hat for a bird because I've gone fully insane#I need to rebead my bear necklace because the cord broke and I don't have the findings for it#and I don't even know if anywhere in town will sell any because brick and mortar shops are a nightmare#I need to decide wtf I'm doing about this belt I bought that doesn't 100% work how I wanted it to but it ok I guess#and I don't wanna have to return it overseas#I need to decide what I'm getting signed#I need to sort out a card#I need some bigger silver earrings that don't have dinosaurs on them for the rare occasions where I want to look more professional#I need to find a replacement for my face base pressed powder since they stopped making it#I need to lose 100 pounds in three days#I need I need I need to scream and cry
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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my birthday week is like a fight for my fucking life.
#like i dont like my birthday bc i dont like attention and also bc the fact i am still alive when i never planned to be is so heavy#which makes it feel like all of a sudden i have a timer and i need to kiilllmyself#but mostly. The biggest issue is i think of my exbest friend bc it was our week always even if they treated me horrible#and i would just go along with whatever they wanted even if i hated it and i just think about them think about them think about them#and i dont want them in my life but i will talk myself into missing them#and feel guilty like its my fault like i deserved everything they did to me like i should never be allowed to move past it#and then i get so embarassed over how i let them rule my life and ruin so much for me and made me break away from people i care about#but then its like im so lonely at least they were always there even if they hated me#even if they wanted me to be so miserable even if they just wanted to know they would always have someone to push around#And i still have trouble when it comes to food im still scared of opening up to people im still scared of my friends of buying new clothes#somehow everything they said to and about me was true even though none of it is and it hurt me and ruined so much#but i must have deserved it. they were supposed to know me best. and i never have known myself#so everything they had said about me has been true for so long.#every time i have the thought that i miss them i think i need to crash my car#every year it gets better every week it is easier but its been so bad recently its been so bad i feel like pieces of me are falling apart#i dont want to manifest this year it being bad bc its just starting to get easier after my total depressive state but god#im looking at are they made for me years ago and i want to rip it apart but i cant every time i try i almost throw up.#i think im going to throw up right now.#deeply pathetic.#news with isaac
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another vent in the tags ugh i should try and do something nice rn
#my pains got so bad again that i threw up again#it's tiring because. i can't even eat atp without worrying about whether it'll make me feel so nauseous i throw up#the doctors wanted to try another new medicine but its put straight in the rear and. shouldnt be shit out. and. yknow. IBD ....#so i obviously do shit it out like immediately ... bcus i cant help it#i probably have to call them on monday to let them know ive started throwing up too#couldnt even go upstairs today without taking breaks bcus of the stomach pains#and theres so much blood all the time#i need to. think about something to distract myself from this bcus i know i shouldnt be ashamed of my condition and i cant help it#but im ashamed anyway and im frustrated and hate myself because i cant do anything else but lie down rn. cant even sleep for the most part#i get like 2 hours sleep max in a day#i kinda wanna draw my apex oc but i suck at designs and idk how to design her clothes LMAOAOA#just wanna draw her interacting w people tbh#also i want more alter content but idk what to make#i just love her
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I'm so excited to move out....
I can't sleepđ«
#bruh#i also just realized that I forgot to pack yesterday while I was off#so ill have to pack today#start some laundry#dump my ex's clothes out of my tote#unload dishwasher#pack my clothes#prep stuff for my dad to help me move#KITCHEN TABLE?! FUCK#im definitely moving the cat last to try and avoid issues with her#i need to buy cat food and food bowl#set up the gravity water for my ex's cat (just because you dont like your ex doesn't mean you abuse their pet... I fucking love his cat...*#* She's basically my baby now... seriously I have that cat spoiled lol... If I can work out a living situation where I dont have to move in*#* with my cousin.... Im GONNA adopt another cat. i love cats)#i shouldn't have too much to move since I've downsized... a lot... sold my mini-fridge đ made the -easy- decision to leave my furniture*#*(an old power-lift chair that no longer works. some Mainstays shelves and entertainment center - they're almost 10 years old. cost $50 and*#*are made from particle board. they've been moved 3 too many times and they're falling apart) these were hard decisions tbh#im leaving a complete set of Mainstays dishes (cheap. i dont want them. my ex needs dishes. etc)#my mind is awake with all these plans... but I have to work tonight and i need to sleep (luckily I went to bed early)#i need a shower caddy. another (dedicated) dressing gown. a Jeep Wrangler (i hate them but they can tow mid sized campers and like. if I en*#*enjoy living like I will... Maybe I'll just make it my lifestyle) I know well-off people have made unconventional living trendy. but like.*#*Im a poor and it's more viable to live in the camper my parents bought on relatively cheap campgrounds#bro
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ray and emma are t4t to ME
#i need u guys to see my vision.... romantic or otherwise do you see!!!!#i wanna draw them trading gf uniforms as kids sooo bad but i am not the best at clothes#or bodies#ill get there#there is just something sooo much more special about them when theyre trans#its comforting with ray obviously bc projection but also w emma#which is not common for me#but jts healing to think about her finding peace and joy in femininity while still not being the most feminine girl on earth or whatever#i wouldnt necessarily say gnc but i think she would be by japanese standards#but no yeah anyways uh#i just love trans love so much#i love that trans women can find peace and joy in the things i hate about myself i love diverse human experience i love when people are#themselves and i love when that means they arent always what you expect#ok anyways#just been hella struggling w the dysphoria tonight so im trying to look at the positives abajhw#ray is so easy to project all the shitty parts onto. but emma reminds me of the good moments. for whatever reason#rayemma#ash is mentally ill#tpn
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Had a very bad day Gotta eat gravel
#had to work a shift with only one other coworker and we were in this same position last weekend too and so like last time#he had this Moment where like as we locked up he was yelling very frustratedly about an annoying customer#which is fair but lol we dont know each other well enough for him to yell and rant like that to me like i get it but#god i hate yelling and just felt like shit and wanted to die#then tonight i was legitimately kinda scared cuz uh liiike. he had a lot more little Moments#i think like some kid dropped something and it broke and he had to clean it up and he got frustrated#and like. went in the back where the custom framing shit is and there was loud banging with a hammer and glass shattering#and he went back and did this multiple times and customers heard it too and were like uhhh đ°#i was already in a bad mood coming in and this really didnt help its honestly a miracle i didnt start having a meltdown#i guess ive just had to deal with so many man babies at home that all i can do is look at them like a disappointed parent and ask if they#would like me to take them to daycare#so yeah that was fun i uh dont like this guy hes always wearing very cutesy clothes and all i can think of is the bit where its like#âthere is nothing little about your thingsâ#also i got money problems and keep getting fast food cuz i got eating problems and theres not much here i can eat and obviously#buying food so much wastes money so i was gonna try to make a sandwich today and like we dont have half the shit needed#and the bread was moldy obviously and theres so many bugs in the house cuz ive been too busy to clean and my sister was here#and the cat is here and my mom does everything wrong and then i spilled water everywhere and everything just went wrong#im also in a horrible place mentally doing so so bad so unbelievably stressed rn#just like. im repressing very bad and literally procrastinating having feelings like everything is going so wrong but i cant feel bad#because i dont have time for that so ill feel bad later when i escape which surely will happen someday ahahaha fuuuck#dont know whats real anymore maybe ive made everything up maybe the abuse is just me being dramatic maybe im the worst child in the world
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y'know. i don't often hate the way my brain is and how difficult it makes certain things for me.
i do a little today though.
#i'm probably going to feel this way the rest of the week#got some Stressful Stuff on my plate - none of it is world ending no matter what my brain thinks#but it's stressful and needs to get done#we already took care of One of the big major things just today because i was having a breakdown about it#because peeks threw up on my favorite shirt after having thrown up all over my bed yesterday and i'm like#she does this when there's a lot of change and stress going on and we've just moved and also we're attempting peace negotiations between he#and Solaire and it's. y'know. hampered by the fact that she's poorly socialized and both of them are dumb as rocks#and so she's stressed out because of the myriad of changes happening to her#and i'm stressed out because she's stressed out PLUS all the other bureaucratic nonsense i have in my brain#AND there's external stress in my foundkin (we're workshopping ways i can integrate the Family Label to apply to folks who weren't terrible#to me when i was a child) and it's just like#i had a really good day yesterday#i've been having pretty good days in general and i knew the crash would come and i knew that i'd get stressed about these things to the max#and that's. like. I know the science and paths behind how we got here#but i also hate that i'm here in this mindset with these things and i also cannot do the laundry myself after all#first because stairs are not always conquerable (they are Exceptionally Not For Me as of yesterday to the point where i'm going to have to#limit myself to the bathroom that doesn't have 2 stairs down to it even if it's closer in the moment)#and second because i ABHOR the texture of tide pods but i cannot deny that they are useful and so much easier to use/keep tidy#than a jug of Cleaning Goo is#so like. i'm embarrassed that all my bedding needs washing and i'm embarrassed that my shirt needs washing#and i'm embarrassed that i make dirty clothes in general and i *am* getting over that#it's slow but the fact that physically laundry is not a task i can complete on the wet side of things#(i still really enjoy the process of folding and sorting though i don't get around to it quickly)#but like. this is one of the reasons why i get freaked out about the fact that i create laundry that needs doing#even if it's not actually my fault (i'm trying very hard to remember it's not my fault the cat threw up on my clothes#and them being put away would have meant she probably would have thrown up on something else that needed to be cleaned#like the bed for example - i cannot put my whole bed away so she doesn't throw up on it)#becuase i feel like i'm burdening someone else to do a whole bunch of work for *me* and i can't do anything in return#(as if i haven't been very deliberately trying to keep up with the dishes daily this whole week so i don't feel like i contribute nothing t#the household)
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Resonance
sylus x fem!reader - read part 2!
summary: with the aether core's auction quickly approaching, you're growing desperate to resonate with sylus. fortunately for you, he has a suggestion... even if it is less conventional.
cw: nsfw (18+) - mdni!!, smut, p in v, fingering, teasing, spit kink, light choking, oral sex, praise kink, slightly ooc sylus?, minor canon divergence
wc: 4.5k
a/n: my first time writing a full fic or smut for that matter! given how many times sylus was trying to hold the mc's hand, i just figured he'd be into it. tried to be strong for zayne, but that didn't work out... sorry zayne. hope you guys like it! <3
also posted on ao3!
Youâre starting to regret your plan to sneak into the N109 Zone. From being drugged to nearly being killed, you werenât exactly faring well in the unfamiliar place.Â
A deep sigh escapes you, fingers rubbing at your aching temples. The headache had gotten worse, the band around your head wrapping tighter and tighter. You couldnât leave though, no matter how desperately you wanted to, not when the Aether Coreâs other half was up for auction in a weekâs time. Sylus had also been distant. Despite saving you from the night raid, he had hardly come to visit while you were staying at Onychinusâ base. The twins, Luke and Keiran had kept you company though. They werenât as wicked as you thought them to be, only young men that were intent on working for Onychinus, driven by their own motivations.Â
The week was bound to shorten however, and you were growing antsy. Any reservations you had about resonating with Sylus were fading quickly as the auction date grew closer. He was right in a sense, you two needed to resonate, especially after that night raid when the Wanderers had attacked. The auction wouldnât go smoothly either, you knew that much. Sylus had money, but traitors were lurking everywhere. The shopkeeperâs voice rings in your head, reminding you that Sylus hadnât been responsible for the explosions. Absolving him of being responsible had been hard enough. Â
Plucking at the strap of your nightgown, youâre contemplating whether you should sneak out. Sylus had been accommodating enough so far, and you were tempted to push your boundaries. He had, after all, left a pile of clothes for you. Strangely enough, they were all in the right size, accompanied by Mephisto who had let out a loud caw before flying out, its claws making a playful swipe for your hair.Â
A few more anxious plucks at the strap of the nightgown and youâre sneaking out. Feed pad against the floor softly, nightgown swaying as you move through the hallway. You pause when you hear voices, hearing the thud of your own heart as you hold your breath. Itâs Sylus and another man. The conversation is too muffled to listen into, incoherent words blending in together.
The door creaks open and youâre tucking yourself behind a pillar, hiding in the dark. The sound of footsteps fades into the distance and the breath youâre holding escapes into a quiet exhale.
âYou can come out now,â A voice drawls. Sylus. You hated how he could sense your presence. Stepping out from behind the pillar, your back straightens, walking into his room. Itâs dark, just like him. Expensive furniture, books stacked onto a bookshelf and a bed on the other side of the large room. The curtains are open, moonlight flowing in through the windows, mixing with the ambient lighting. He sits behind his desk, eyes trained on you, nursing a cup of wine. âI see youâre wearing my gift,â he says, eyes dragging over the nightgown. You scoff, eyes narrowing at him, âIt was hardly a gift, and itâs not like I could sleep in my Hunter uniform.â
He only takes another sip of wine, eyebrows raising. His nonchalance is making you feel irritated. âYouâre avoiding me,â you announce, arms crossing over your chest, âis there any reason?â
He laughs, low and deep, âI thought youâd be grateful for the reprieve, or maybe you donât hate me as much as you think you do.â That has you scowling. You want to wipe his stupid smug smile right off his face. âRelax,â he says, his fingers tapping against his desk as he leans back in his chair âI had more important things to attend to.â That catches your attention. More important things? Perhaps heâd have answers, and you needed answers, about the N109 Zone, about Onychinus, about anything .Â
âPrivate matters,â he murmurs, red eyes keeping you in place ânothing for you to get involved with.â
Your scowl only grows deeper, almost forgetting what you came in here for. Your feet move across the carpet, hands landing on the edge of his desk in an attempt to look intimidating.
âI want to try resonating with you,â you say, deciding to change tactics.
He hums, red eyes boring into yours. âWe already tried that, and unfortunately, you seem content on disliking me,â he replies.
A frustrated noise escapes you, âItâs your fault!â you accuse, glaring at him.Â
He only stares back at you blankly. You feel like a child throwing a tantrum under his gaze. âJust- please? â you ask, voice softening slightly. Heâs letting out an inconvenienced sigh and your body is moving, red tendrils swooping around your body as he draws you closer to him. âHand,â he demands. You reach forward, and his hand clasps yours, fingers lacing together. A deep breath gets sucked in through your mouth and your eyes squeeze shut, trying to channel your energy and resonate with him. You think about his stupidly handsome face, his low voice and the times he had saved you. Both of your knuckles are white with how tightly youâre squeezing his hand. Thereâs nothing though, absolutely nothing. No sparks, no glowing light, no Evol resonance. Letting out a defeated sigh, you let go of his hand. He stares back at you, eyes searching. âThere is something wrong with you,â he says, drawing his hand back to take another sip of wine.
âMaybe if you tried being more likeable, this would be easier,â you retort, sending him another glare.
Sylus only laughs, his head tilting, âYou werenât so intent on resonating with me earlier. So much so that you shot me.â
âYou shot yourself,â you correct, voice sharp, âand the change in mind is because of the auction.â
He peers over at you, eyes calculating. You canât tell whatâs going through his head, you can never tell. It puts you on edge. Sylus is a dangerous man and you arenât able to predict a single one of his moves.
âYouâre afraid of Wanderers,â he surmises, hands clasping in his lap.Â
His chair rolls out a bit from his desk and your eyes are dipping to see his legs spread as he gets comfortable. Thereâs a stretch in the black trousers as his thighs strain against the material and youâre swallowing harshly, eyes snapping back up to meet his gaze. If he noticed your wandering eyes, he doesnât say anything.
âIâm not scared!â you protest, feeling exasperated âIâm simply worried that something might happen. We both know that the Aether core might become unstable with energy fluctuations, and who knows what sort of Wanderers that flux might attract?â
âI am more than capable of handling any danger,â Sylus says, his tone dark, âor do you need a refresher of what happened after I saved you during the night raid?â
You wince at the memory. It appears he doesnât like being underestimated. Itâs even worse that you remember. There had been blood and screams when his Evol had eviscerated the men that had been there.
âNo refreshers needed,â you reply quickly.
Your plan of resonating with him is ill-thought, you realise. You canât get your mind to change, no matter how hard you try. Head hanging low, you decide to back off. Sylus is right at least. He would be capable enough of defeating any danger there, but his assurance isnât enough to quell your doubts. Silence passes over you both, only interrupted by your feet shifting on the spot.Â
âThere is another way,â Sylus says slowly, a wicked grin spreading across his face, âit is less conventional of course, hardly attempted at.â
Hardly attempted at? Was he planning to put your life on the line? Maybe that would work out for him, weaken you enough to get you to resonate with him and then steal the Aether core lodged in your heart.
âAnd this way isâŠ?â you prompt, raising your brows.Â
His grin only grows wider. Sylus stands up, long legs stalking towards you until heâs standing in front of you, his red eyes staring down at you. His cold hand reaches out, fingers grabbing at your chin to tilt your head as his own head dips towards your ear. You shiver, feeling his warmth breath against your skin. âSex,â he whispers.
Well, you certainly werenât expecting that. Your cheeks are hot with embarrassment, gaze averted to the side.
He clicks his tongue, âWhy so embarrassed? I thought you wanted to resonate, sweetie .âÂ
âYouâre more insane than I thought,â you hiss, shoving at his chest.Â
He lets out a throaty laugh, a smirk spreading across his lips as he stumbles back a bit at the force of your push.Â
âYou seemed desperate,â Sylus says when he stops laughing, âI was only letting you know of all the options.â
âThat shouldnât even be an option!â you snap, growing flustered by the second. Sex with Sylus ? He was a murderer and completely and utterly unhinged, not to mention the leader of an illegally run gang. You were not having sex with him. Your irritation festers, head falling into your hands as you stand there. He doesnât say anything, only reaching for his wine and finishing off his cup.Â
âFuck me,â you sigh tiredly, rubbing at your aching temples again.
âDonât tempt me,â he replies. Your head snaps upwards at that, glaring at him. Irritation has only led to you making a poor choice of words.Â
âIâm leaving,â you say forcefully, holding your head high.
You should be leaving by now, storming off back to your room lying a few doors away. You should be, except your poor feet arenât working.
He stares at you expectantly, a hint of smile on his face as his brows raise.
âI am leaving,â you repeat, voice hardening.
He only nods his head towards the door. Part of you wants to stay, to find out what he means, but the implications are clear and you wonât do that with him. Especially not him.
You donât get very far though, the door lock fastening in place with a resounding click . His Evol curls around your body, the inky red and black lines tugging you back towards him. Sylus is reaching for you, his hand cupping your cheek. You have half the mind to lean into his touch. âI think weâll both have more fun if you stay,â he whispers against your ear, arms drifting across your nightgown to wrap around your waist and tug you closer.
He peers down at you, and your breath catches in your throat. Without thinking, youâre leaning into him, body pressing against him.
âI think you want to stay,â he continues, hands sliding up to pet at your hips.
âYou- you donât know what I want,â you manage out, voice airy, âand I want to leave.â
He hums, hand finding your cheek again. His thumb rubs across your skin, and it sets you alight.
âDid you forget?â he murmurs, head dipping to meet your height, âI can see what people desire the most, and it appears you, my dear Hunter, desire me.â
Youâre letting out a soft curse. You had forgotten about that stupid detail, about his ability to see what people desired. Squirming in his grasp, you try to get away, but he holds you still, letting out a disappointed sigh.
âWill you not indulge yourself?â he whispers, voice lilting. You think he could be a siren in disguise.
Thereâs a shuddering breath escaping you. You donât get a chance to answer, not when heâs smiling against your cheek and pressing a soft kiss to it. Your hands find his shirt, forming fists to prevent your knees from buckling.
âWe are the same,â he reminds you, lips brushing across your skin as he backs you up against the wall.
You manage a scoff, âWe are not the same. Youâve done terrible things and killed people. You do whatever you want, sacrificing whoever you want if it betters your cause.âÂ
âSuch insolent words,â he purrs, his hand curling around your neck âI have treated you with far more kindness than others that have crossed my path.â
A squeak leaves when he squeezes around your neck, your fingers trying to pry his ones away from your neck. He only tightens his grip, landing another kiss to your cheek and thereâs heat between your thighs, a whine escaping you before you can swallow it down.
Sylus laughs, his hand falling away from your neck to grab at your hips instead.
âCaught you,â he coos, and with that his head is dipping, lips pressing against yours.
You whine again, arms wrapping around his neck. Youâre too far gone to care, feeling the plushness of his lips against yours. It feels as though heâs trying to devour you, trying to swallow you whole.
The kisses are rough and harsh and his hands are slipping under your nightgown, sliding up the backs of your thighs to grasp at your ass. You gasp into his mouth, scrabbling at his shoulders. He grunts against your mouth, guiding your leg to hook over his hip.
âYou are far more eager than you said you would be,â he murmurs, finally pulling away to let you breathe.Â
Soft pants escape you, chest heaving as your hands drop from his shoulders, landing against his chest instead. He stares down at you, crimson eyes bright with arousal as they flit about your body.
âYouâve done something to me,â you mutter lamely, a weak excuse for responding so eagerly.
He raises his brows, his thumb brushing across your lips. He repeats the motion, over and over again until you're tempted to press a kiss to the pad of his thumb. You donât get a chance, not when his thumb is pushing past your lips and meeting the resistance of your teeth. Blinking up at him, you tilt your head.
âYou know I havenât done anything to you,â he replies, âthat would be too far, even for me. Now be good and open .â
He has to have done something to you. What other explanation is there for the way your mouth opens, sucking his thumb inside eagerly? Your head tips back as you suck on his thumb, tongue swirling around the digit. He groans, deep and unabashed and it has your hips bucking. âPatience,â he whispers, pushing his thumb further into your mouth. You gag slightly, sending him watery glare.Â
Sylus only smiles back, keeping you in place as you suck on his thumb. The ache between your thighs is too hard to ignore, and your hand is sneaking down in an attempt to relieve the ache.
Youâre horribly wet between your thighs, feeling your thighs practically slip against each other as you squirm. Your fingers only manage two full circles against your clit before Sylus is letting out a growl, tugging your hand free from where it had snuck into your panties.Â
âI- I need-â you whine, trying to sneak your hand between your thighs again.
âYou need me ,â he hisses, eyes hard as he grabs at your wandering hand, gaze locking onto your slick fingers. Thereâs a sharp gasp that leaves you when his own mouth is enveloping around your fingers, his eyes on yours as he sucks them clean. You feel weak at the sight, a dreamy sigh escaping you. He smirks, forgetting your fingers to kiss you again. You taste yourself on his tongue, feeling the way he licks into your mouth, his hands squeezing at your hips.
Heâs picking you up before too long, dumping you on his bed. You hide shyly when he rips your nightgown from your body, his eyes staring down at your bra and panties greedily. The bra goes next and heâs lowering his head, sucking your nipple into his mouth, tongue flicking against the pebbled bud. You donât know what to do, arms wrapping around his neck to keep him there, trying desperately to seek relief. âSo impatient,â Sylus mutters against your spit-slick skin, opting to suck on your other breast as his hand delves between your thighs. âDonât stop,â you whimper, eyes slipping shut âplease, donât stop.â
He lets out a low laugh, fingers rubbing at you through your panties. âHow obedient youâve become. Squirming under my fingers like a little slut. Didnât you say you hated me before?â he whispers.Â
âI- I do hate you!â you grit out, but your hand is finding his wrist, keeping his hand there as you grind your clothed pussy against his fingers.
He scoffs disappointedly, body slinking down the bed until his nose is pressing against your panties and heâs breathing in. You feel as though you might faint at the depraved sight. His tongue laves across the fabric of your panties and you moan his name, fingers finding their home in his hair.
Sylus sucks at your clit through your panties, licking at the slick that seeps through the dampened fabric.Â
âAn intoxicating taste,â he comments, pressing a kiss to your thigh âI could do this for days.â
That little comment has you letting out a shuddering breath and words you might regret if your mind wasnât so stupidly hazy. âI would let you,â you mumble, tugging his face closer to where you want him, feeling the press of his nose against your clit. He grins, red eyes staring up at you, âthat can be arranged.â Sylusâs long fingers are pulling down your panties and heâs staring at your cunt, a deep groan escaping him. âSuch a pretty pussy,â he whispers, pressing a soft kiss to your clit.Â
A strangled noise leaves you and his mouth is latching onto your pussy, sucking and licking like a man starved. Whines and whimpers escape you as you grind your hips against his tongue. He moans back into your cunt, the sound shooting up through your body, thighs twitching. Sylus keeps you pinned down, tongue laving against your wetness, drinking up your slick as it leaks. Itâs almost too much, which is why your hand reaches for his. Sylus gives his own hand, fingers lacing with yours. Youâre so lost in the haze of his tongue against you that you can barely hear his voice.
âResonate,â he speaks into your pussy, his hand gripping yours tight. âWhat?â Your dazed eyes find his, bewildered. âI said, resonate ,â he repeats, sucking your clit into his mouth harshly.Â
His teeth graze against the sensitive bud and your back is arching, hand squeezing his one back. Your Evol comes much easier this time, light emanating from both your hands as you resonate. The linkage takes place, and it has you reeling, body twitching as you come on his tongue. The light soon fades, his own Evol dimming down. He presses another soft kiss to your sensitive clit. âSome incentive and your body is reacting remarkably well,â he smiles down at you. You could hardly care about resonance at this point, pushing at his shoulders and crawling up onto his lap, lips pressing against his. He grunts at the sudden change in position, but kisses you back, his hands groping at your ass appreciatively. A whine gets swallowed up by his mouth, your hips rocking against his hardness wantonly. Your fingers pull at his shirt and heâs staring at you with spit-slick lips. He tugs his shirt free and you suck in a sharp breath, taking him in. While you do this, your hips pause in their movements and heâs letting out a click of his tongue, using his hands to guide you start moving again. âYou resonated with me,â he whispers against your lips. âHardly,â you murmur back, nails digging into his shoulders. âDonât be like that,â he chastises, âI made you come on my tongue and this is how you treat me?â he pouts mockingly.
âSuch a good girl, arenât you?â He coos, guiding your hips to move in the way he wants to, âmoaning and whimpering for me. Perhaps I shouldâve suggested this path from the start.â You try to glare at him, but heâs only gripping your cheeks, prying your mouth open before his tongue is lolling out, dropping a glob of spit into your mouth. âSwallow, baby.â You do so almost immediately, mouth opening eagerly for more. He laughs, almost in disbelief, kissing you messily this time, letting you suck on his tongue. âI need you,â you whisper, pressing his hand against your tummy âneed you in me, Sylus.â
His eyes flash and heâs kissing you harder, clothed bulge grinding up into your bare pussy. The drag of his trousers is stimulating, catching on your clit in a way that has you shaking on his lap. âYouâre filthy,â he hisses, sucking harsh kisses against your neck âsuch a filthy slut, begging for my cock.â You whine in agreement, nodding mindlessly. The world is moving then, your eyes finding the roof as he settles between your thighs. He kisses you over and over again, before heâs drawing back, slipping off the bed to pull his trousers down. A loud moan escapes you at the sight, his fat cock bobbing between his thighs. The tip is dark with arousal, veins prominent against the skin. Part of you wants it in your mouth, to swallow his cum and feel the weight of his cock on your tongue, and the other part wants it inside of you, filling you up. Embarrassment forgotten, youâre spreading your thighs in what you hope is an enticing manner, biting your lip and batting your eyelashes over at him. He glances down at your glistening pussy, licking his lips. âIn me, pleaseâ you sweetly request. He hums, crawling over you. He grasps his cock, tapping the tip of it against your clit a few times. Pre-cum beads at the tip, a fat glob dripping down. Your hand shoots out before itâs wasted, fingers catching the glob. Smiling up at him, you suck your fingers into your mouth, letting out an appreciative moan at the taste. His eyes darken at the sight, fingers dimpling the flesh of your thigh as he squeezes.
âYouâll regret this when you have to leave me,â he warns, âI wonât be there to stuff your pussy full or lick that pretty cunt when youâre feeling needy.â âThen make it count,â you retort, legs wrapping around his hips. He lets out a short laugh, kissing you again. Soft whines leave you when he pushes in, his cock sinking deep into your pussy. You think you might be able to feel him in your throat, his cock stretching you out so deliciously that it has you writhing.Â
âSo fucking tight,â he breathes out, kissing along your jaw âso warm. I can feel you clenching around me, baby.âÂ
âFuck,â you mewl, nails scratching down his back as he thrusts into you. In any other situation, you might be mortified at the sounds.
The squelch of your pussy, his heavy balls slapping against your ass as he fucks you. It seems like his favourite thing to do is to hold your hands, though.
âSo pretty for me,â he sighs, hips grinding deeper into your wet heat âsuch a good girl, hm? My good girl.â
The praise has your heart fluttering wildly, cheeks flushing.
âOh, you like that,â he murmurs, his lips latching onto your tits again, âmy pretty, little slut, all laid out for me. You couldâve had this cock earlier, I wouldâve given it to you. I couldâve stuffed you full, or bent you over my bike and pounded this tight little cunt until you were screaming.âÂ
A hoarse moan leaves you. Your hands are squeezing his, legs tightening around him.
âThatâs it,â he whispers encouragingly, âtake my cock baby, itâs all yours.â
âStop- stop talking like that,â you whine, writhing under his body.
âWhy?â he responds, âdoes it feel better than you had imagined?â
âI wasnât imagining-â
âHush now,â he whispers, kissing you over and over again. Youâre not sure how much more of this you could take.
His cock is pounding into you, punching out the air in your lungs. It feels too good, the throb of his cock and his whispered words against your ear. You hiccup, peering up into his crimson eyes. He stares right back at you, the look behind his eyes startlingly soft.
You shy away, head turning to the side, cheek squishing against the pillow. His hand turns your face back to him, nose nudging against yours gently. He kisses you softer this time, the sound of your kisses drowned out by the drag of his cock in your cunt.
âCome for me, babyâ Sylus whispers, squeezing your hand âcream my cock.âÂ
Itâs enough to have you shuddering around him, a whine of his name leaving your mouth as you cream on his cock, just like had told you to. He drinks up every noise, lips working against yours as he fucks into until heâs burying his cock deep inside, letting out a low growl against your ear as hot cum spurts from his tip, filling you up.Â
You sigh at the feeling, body feeling limp. Sylus is slumped on top of you, his weight oddly comforting against yours. A kiss is pressed against his cheek and you can feel his smile from where heâs tucked his head into the crook of your neck.
Itâs a little uncomfortable though, so youâre pushing at his chest to get him to roll off of you. Sylus does so with little noise and youâre curling up against his side, already missing the stretch of his cock.
âYou were being nice,â you say softly, breaking the silence.
âWould you prefer it if I were rougher?â he asks in return, rubbing his hand against the curve of your hip soothingly.
You roll your eyes, pinching his bicep.Â
âThe auction will go smoothly,â he announces, his hand drifting to squeeze your ass, âwe did resonate, after all.â
You had almost forgotten about that. A nod is your response and heâs dragging you closer to give you another kiss.
âTraining begins tomorrow morning,â Sylus continues, âI need to see how strong we can be together.â
Youâre letting out a groan, swatting his chest and shoving him away.Â
âLeave me alone,â you mumble, burying your face into the pillows.
He smiles, arms curling around your waist to tug you back into his warm chest.
âNow, now. You were being so good earlier,â he whispers âIâd be happy to reward you, if you perform well tomorrow.â
His hand smooths across your stomach, hand drifting lower to delve between your thighs. You muffle the noise that threatens to spill out.
âYouâre insufferable,â you mutter, eyes slipping shut.
âI think you like that about me,â Sylus murmurs, his fingers curling up inside of you, beginning to move at a leisurely pace.Â
âYouâre the worst, Sylusâ you whisper, hips rocking as you try to get his fingers to sink deeper.
âYet here you are, trying to fuck yourself on my fingers,â he purrs, his arm winding around your neck. You feel him squeeze and youâre whimpering, sinking your teeth into his bicep as he holds you in place, letting his fingers fuck in and out of you.
Itâs going to be a long night.
#sylus smut#sylus x reader#sylus#love and deepspace#love and deepspace sylus#lnd sylus#lnds smut#sylus qin#love and deepspace mc
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When I love a song, Iâll love it forever
#random post#smth i thought about earlier. yknow. I have a hard time picking favorites with literally everything#I also have what I SAY is a favorite of mine. but I have a hard time really pinpointing whats number 1 in my brain#like. I love lots of things. I like different aesthetics and clothing and art mediums and movies and shows and books and music and people#but itâs difficult trying to find the favorite. some things are easier cus thereâs more that I DONT like so it kinda singles out an option#like with music. I love LOTS of music. but what does it mean when smth is a favorite? I donât have a favorite genre cus I have songs I love#from all over. even ones I havenât heard yet. music overall is one of my favorite things. Iâm not joking when I say itâs a love language#I love the melodies and beats and rhythms and lyrics and voices. always and forever will have a place in my heart and mind#I hate questions that want to know favorites. isnât it enough to just show you instead? to share everything with you? why do you need one#single thing to know exactly who I am? wouldnât you get me better if you spent a day with me instead?#I canât remember everything of importance to me. not all in one single moment. if I went through my playlists and told you what songs I love#and why. what books I love and why. what anything I love and why. youâd find that Iâm a bit undefined. Iâm an artist and a creator. strong#yet weak imagination. sometimes think better in the abstract and other times do better with whatâs set in stone#I love sharing things with people. I wish people would engage more with what I share sometimes. but I never hold it against em or hate them#if they donât haha. often I feel down when ppl donât engage with what I share. I know people arenât obligated to do things but. yknow. itâs#my heart in a platter. splayed our for everyone. bits of me I want to share. what I want people to see. Iâve sat down with people to share#music I like. one friend said a song I like was scary. some people make faces at what I play. some have paid it no mind at all. they donât#even know how important to me sharing something like that is. hell. how important me sharing ANYTHING is. itâs so easy to hide away#everything about myself. yet here I am trying my hardest to open myself up. yea. wish I was able to connect with someone like that#in person I mean. I guess. I just want to lay down with someone and play music we love. explain why we love it. or try to understand why#idk Iâm getting rambly. I just want to do new things forever. and relive the first time everytime#this isnât a vent or anything. just thinking and writing as I do. typing helps me to keep my mind on track. a bit at least. as much as one#with a brain like mine can havagahhaga. I wonder if anyone actually reads through my tag rambles in their entirety. I know it looks daunting#so I donât blame you if you canât or donât feel like it. it wonât kill me if my words are lost in the void#haha anyways yea :> thinking lots
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hi! itâs me
i wanted to ask you how would the jjk guys react to you getting their lips tatted on you..?(specifically gojo)
like you got them with lipstick and they kiss a paper then the tattoo artist makes it a stencil in red and you put it right under your boob..?
(donât do this if your uncomfy with it! also take your time your probably busy)
xoxo,em! take care
Hi sweets, sorry for the long wait, I've been awfully busy but here it is, I made it specially smutty to compensate lol hope you like it :) btw... I love your requests ;)
How would the JJK guys react to you getting their lips tattooed on you đ
Ft. Gojo Satoru, Nanami Kento, Choso, Suguru Geto, Ryomen Sukuna.
SATORU GOJO
Five missed calls and four unseen texts. Gojo sighs, scratching the back of his neck, he hated it when you left him on read. What could you be doing that was so damn important to ignore him.
The sound he had been waiting for since the day started makes his ears ring with excitement and without wasting a second, he opens the text message with your name on it.
Gojo Satoru's eyes widen, and his black glasses slide down the bridge of his nose almost comically thanks to his jaw dropping a little, all at the sight of the picture attached to a cute and adorable message that says:
"Do you like it?"
Gojo growls under his breath, subtly pulling with a shaky finger at the collar of his shirt, suddenly it's too hot there, his cheeks turn an accusatory red and his breathing has grown labored. Even his palms are sweating, for fuck's sake! What's wrong with him?! It's just the shape of his lips on the delicious curve of your under-boob. Shit! He's about to bust a cap inside his pants.
"Satoru-" Nanami's stoic voice breaks his trance and looking around almost as if had forgotten he was in the middle of a briefing, gets up and without any further explanation than: "Emergency!" Leaves the school, leaving behind and unattended, all his duties and mental sanity.
"Did you see the message on his phone, Geto?" a puff of smoke lazily comes out of Shokoâs curious mouth and Geto shrugs. "I saw that it was from (Y/N)." The black-haired snickers and everyone let out a unison, heavy sigh.
Gojo arrives in less time than is humanly possible at your apartment and without warning, not even a âhey, babeâ, or a: âI just teleported myself into your room, hope you donât mindâ. You are dragged by your tall and strong boyfriend, special grade sorcerer and stripped of your top.
"S-Satoru, baby?"
You try to figure out what has him so bristled and with the delicacy of a saint but the curiosity of a child, he yanks your bra up, your delicious breast spills from underneath and his tattooed lips greet him.
"Shit!" is the first word you hear him say and it's almost a painful pant. "Those are my lips, aren't they? This is why you asked me to kiss that paper using the lipstick-...." he sounds accusatory but also incredibly excited.
You nod and let out a sigh that you didn't know were holding. "Phew! When you didnât answer my text, I thought you didn't like it-"
"Not like it..." he sounds almost offended, and your bra is discarded when he pushes you on your back in the bed. "Not like it?! I love it! I want to eat you whole, (Y/N), I'm only holding back because I need to ask something first."
Being pinned down by his weight and his gentle hands on either side of your jaw, Gojo steals the little space and whispers his question against your ear. "Are you still sensitive from the tattoo, or can I give you a new one with the original source?"Â
He kisses your earlobe playfully, and you canât help but giggle dumbly, as you can't help your voice from shaking with excitement. "Iâm not made of sugar-"
You can't even finish the sentence when his lips begin the endless and shameless work of awakening every nerve ending in your skin, the desperation palpable in the white-haired sorcerer as every piece of clothing is torn from your body and his and discarded on the floor as impure.
Purple mockeries of your tattoo in the form of hickeys adorn every patch of your sensitive neck like a new necklace, small bites from the small curve of your shoulder to the sinful curve of your waist, nipples swollen and perked from the greedy skating of his tongue on them. Gojo is not being rough, but he is not being gentle either, he is brutal in his advance but methodical and careful that your moans do not change tone.
"I'm going to tattoo myself on you from the inside out," his warn is muffled against your breast as his mouth devours the plump peak of flesh. Paying special attention to pressing his lips against your tattoo over and over and over again, as if certifying its authenticity and quality. The silhouette was exact, the perfect shape of his greedy lips. It was an almost erotic sight for him.
"Huh?"
"Sure,â he chuckled low before keep going, âwhite ink specially made for you. You'll see, Iâm an awesome artist," having you panting, sweating and squirming isnât enough for him. Oh no! he needs more, Satoru Gojo claims for something more permanent than a mere tattoo. "...My tattoos last nine months inside, and eighteen years outside, they talk and call you mommy, Iâm that talented, sweets" tangled between his muscular limbs, your new resting place, he does whatever the fuck he wants with you.Â
You feel the massive shape of his warm cock against your thigh, heâs been pumping himself no end, not letting you touch him not letting you aid him for fear of wasting his first load, that tasty, thick load he's been preparing especially for you. The mere graze of your fingers on him will be his end, he knows it, so he wonât ask nor accept your help, even when he longs to wrap your fist around his throbbing cock, desperate to help relieve the burning ache deep in his gut. Or better yet, wrap your perfect mouth around his cock and suck him offâ NO! he nowâs not the time for him to be negligent.Â
Once loaded, abandons his quest for relief and rests his warm palm on your belly massaging it as if molding it to fit something of his, while the other keeps playing with your cunt, enjoying the way you suck his fingers deeper when he turns his attention back to your poor, neglected clit.Â
âI never thought someone would be able to awaken my paternal instinct-... did my clan hire you, sweets?â he scoffed, playfully. He can tell that youâre close, not just from the needy moans and whimpers but the way your muscles are tensing and spasming around his digits. The desperate rocking of your hips against his palm, as a firm beg for relief.
âIt's just a tattoo....â
âNa ah!â His hand continues playing with your tummy, your navel, the curve of your waist almost obsessively while his tongue makes out with the curve of your neck. âThis was your way of telling me that you want me forever..." long finger prod at your gummy walls, searching for that hidden blessed spot thatâs gonna make you go wildâ
"Let me show you how gifted I am, my sweet girl..."Â
He finds it in matter of seconds, and you lose all kind of restriction and complaint and Gojo canât help but smirk against your neck as you tighten and quiver around his digits. Pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses along your neck, his thumb pressed over your clit, flicking at the sensitive pearl as he suckles a deep purple hickey on the skin. Long, thick fingers guiding you through madness with each and every stroke, itâs too much for your poor, oversensitive body to handle.
"Y-Yes, Satoru, shown me, fill me, mark me-⊠do whatever the fuck you want-"
You convulse in the spare seconds of glorious pleasure before cumming with a strangled shriek, and Gojoâs groan muffles against your skin when can finally sink in one roll of his hips, feeding you that fat cock heâs been pumping to the edge just for this exact moment, buries deep inside you, kissing your cervix in that one thrust of raw meat. With an animalistic grunt, spills his soul inside your womb, pouring every last drop of cum he's been cooking in those heavy balls until he empties himself, flooding your inside with his gifted seed. A rush of juices gushes from your trembling cunt onto your connected lower halves, and you feel and hear him pant like a dog next to your ear, as both come down from the high.Â
"Am I your favorite tattoo artist or what?"
CLICK HERE FOR THE NSFW ART FOR THIS DRABBLE đ„”
NANAMI KENTO
He's stoic and serious, almost unmoving in his unflappable staring as you lift your shirt so he can see your new tattoo. His silent disposition is starting to make you more than a little nervous, since you know that Nanami Kento isn't exactly a crazy animal, but rather, a calm and quiet being who hides a wild side that he only shares with those closest to him. Making you wonder if you fall into that category or not, as his silence as he inspects the tattoo of his lips under your boob is virtually killing you with anxiety.
"Those are your lips, my love." You explain again, even though you've already done it three times, and you receive the same âmphmâ sound he made the first three times.Â
"Remember? -⊠remember when I ask you to kiss a paper?"
"I do."
"Well, I gave that to the tattoo artist, and he made it a stencil in red and then I ask him to put it right under my boob...?"
"I see."
Those calm eyes, analyze from every possible angle the tattoo of his lips on your skin, it had never been so difficult for you to read your boyfriend. "Do you like it, do you hate it? Tell me anything, Kento."
Silence and more close observation.
You close your eyes, squeezing your eyelids shut as you take that deep breath of air, you need so much, and you are about to demand an answer when you feel it...
Your eyelids suddenly open looking down and there you find him: Your stoic, boyfriend, the sensible and calm man who is always in control, kneeling in front of you while pressing his lips against your tattoo, the round softness of your boob loses its shape momentarily as the blond pushes his face more firmly against the plump skin. The most unexpected kiss that you have ever shared and for some reason, the most erotic, too.
"K-Ken?"
"Did it hurt?" he asks suddenly from his kneeling position and the threat of you stuttering makes you just shake your head. Nanami steals another kiss against the softness of your breast like he canât have enough of the sensation. "Are you sure it doesn't hurt?"
You nod, mesmerized by the sudden attention this blond showers you with, his hands caressing your bare back from top to bottom, slow and gentle with the tips of his fingers, it's delicious and it melts away the anxiety you may have been feeling, now, malleable in his hands. You let his face sink further into the curve of the tattoo of his lips and you moan his name as if you want to taste it rolling down your tongue.
"Nanami."
"... Do you still have the lipstick?"
"Huh?" That request brings you out of your reverie a little, and you look at him with some confusion, to which he smiles, that smile that makes you weak in the knees. "Y-Yes, it's in my purse."
"Lend it to me, darling."
With his palm splayed wide open he waits for you to hand over the lipstick. Digging for the cosmetic, he waits patiently until it's resting in his open hand and before you can air your doubts, he stands up, lifting you into his arms to take you with him, those muscular limbs feel like the safest place in the world and you nuzzle your nose into his neck to breathe in his scent combined with his cologne, and itâs intoxicating, so much so that you almost miss his next question.
âIâd like to suggest a few other places where my lips would look just as amazing on your body.â
âKento!â you startle, itâs adorable to him and closing the distance, he presses his lips to yours, tasting, nibbing and licking as he carries you to his room. âYou take suggestions donât you, sweetie?âÂ
He chuckles at the flush growing wild on your cheeks, and you feel the softness of the mattress on your back as he sets you down with the care of a saint, before beginning to loosen his tie and unbutton his shirt. Your body shivers in anticipation and his lips curve up into the cheekiest grin youâve ever seen him make, his large hand reaching out one elegant finger towards you and beckoning you with it.Â
Youâre on your knees in front of him in seconds, his knuckles running down the length of your jaw in a silky caress that has you purring like a kitten, leaning into his touch. That smile only stretches further, as your eyes flutter shut and you feel the greedy grip on his lips, hunting for another kiss.Â
Unfortunately, it ends too soon, and your mouth holds that pouty shape that demands another sweet kiss, but instead of his fleshy lips, you feel the creamy slick of lipstick painting your lips.
âTell me, (Y/N),â Nanami is delighted with how docile you are to him as he finishes painting your lips red, and itâs the sound of his pants zipper coming down that catapults your eyes open, âwhat would you think of me tattooing your lips right here?â
His finger points along his defined obliques and your mouth waters, this man was sincerely praised by the gods themselves, every muscle in his abdomen defined, those deep lines going down to his crotch giving that âvâ shape to his torso, that sinful path of golden hair that disappears under his trousers. It's too much for you.
"I think I need to see what it looks like first and then I can give you an informed answer, Kento."
His broad chest rises and falls violently, sweat runs down his forehead and his cheeks are an explosion of color. This is your masterpiece. Nanami Kentoâs fat cock fits with effort in your mouth, but you certainly do your best to get it to touch the back of your throat with every thrust, you can feel him getting close, his thighs tremble under your hands, his forearm covers his eyes, his cheeks are about to explode⊠heâs too close, and your tongue curling around the tip doesnât help him resist, you suck him off for over ten minutes and youâre proud of that pleasurable ache in your jaw when he comes shamelessly hard at the back of your throat and your name rips through his esophagus as it echoes through the walls of his apartment. Eventually, his hand stops keeping your head pressed against his pelvis, and with a wet pop, his still semi-erect cock hangs in front of your face, lubed in your saliva.
âYouâre right, I think it would look nice.â
You tell him, admiring the lipstick residue that adorns the shape of his cock and balls, a crimson kiss near the base, another at the shiny, cum-dripping tip, another resting on the roundness of his coarse balls, and you love the whole image. You want a fucking mural in your living room with this image.
âHell no,â the blonde says breathlessly, barely trying to recover from your masterful blowjob, ââŠno needle is going to touch me down there,â he threatens playfully but serious enough, âif you like the way it looks, youâre going to have to paint it yourself every time.â
A giggle escapes your mouth, red lipstick smeared on your lips as you grin evilly at him.Â
âYou have yourself a deal, baby."
CLICK HERE FOR THE NSFW ART FOR THIS DRABBLE đ„”
CHOSO KAMO
Choso can't control where the blood goes since, he met you, his cursed technique is out of control. That damn tattoo of his lips on the curve of your under-boob is driving him crazy, he thinks of it and the blood goes down to his crotch. He thinks of you and the blood makes a tent in his pants.
It's a mess that he's had to control with shameful continuous masturbation sessions. Jerking himself off, over and over, with your name as a mantra and the image of his lips tattooed on your breast as his banner.
"Shit, just go away."Â
He murmurs with a tight voice, while his fist milks his fat cock in fast and violent motions, his flesh swollen painfully for more than an hour, he doesn't want you to come home from work and find him touching himself, he doesn't want you to find out that he lost control of his cursed technique. He had to lower himself to watching porn, something he had never done before, but it was of no use. So, he put on cream and although it had relieved him on other occasions, this time wasn't working its charm. Fuck! Pleaaaase-... maybe he needs more cream to slide better? No, no matter how much cream he spreads on it never compares even a little to your tight, little pussy.Â
And it is the desperation, that he is running out of time that drives him to this miserable act. He takes, that one photo he treasures so much, out of the frame and places it between his fingers, his excitement growing as he looks at it, it is working. He beats his piece of swollen flesh more eagerly, grunting and growling like a dying animal, Fuck! he's close...his eyes close in concentration and his hand increases speed and pressure as his mouth hangs open⊠almost there, he can feel his balls tensing and tightening, so close, just a few more pumps, a couple more strokes, a little more pressure, almost there⊠his guts tighten and his brain enraptures in the moment forgetting to mind his surroundings, to enjoy the divine sensation that grows and grows and grows and FUCK!-
Choso Kamo cums, hard and heavy, rope after rope of creamy cum shoots out of the head of his cock like a mockery of how blood usually does when he uses his cursed technique, the pressurized jet of creamy juice spills out and doesn't finish pouring for about a minute straight. Once his balls are an empty, trembling sack, Choso can breathe again, his sweaty and naked torso rises and falls with violence that calms down the more air he sucks, the sweat begins to dry on his skin and his cheeks feel less hot. This was what he needed, the photo helped him a lot, although he can feel how he bathed it in cum, he can fix it quickly, clean every single trail of his sin before you get home-
"C-Choso?"
His hand, which was riding out the last few strokes of pleasure on his ultra-sensitive cock freezes and his eyes snap open to find you staring at the mess he is, just what he wanted to avoid, damn it! -
"B-Baby, I-" he starts to stutter and stops abruptly when his eyes register what he did.
Your cheeks are painted a deep red but that's to be expected, what's not to be expected are the cum globes that slide down your pretty face, down your cheeks, varnishing your eyelashes and part of your eye, messing up your perfect hairdo, staining your work uniform. Choso enraptured himself so much in his own fantasy that he didn't notice when you walked through the door, or when you approached him.
Now, he has no idea how to begin to apologize, the words are stuck in his dry throat. Are you angry? Are you furious with him? Your beautiful eyes only watch him, better said, ogle him: pants pooling at his ankles, shirt bunched up to his neck, his cock limp but slowly filling with blood again between his trembling fingers, the cockhead shiny and pink and still, spewing cum to further mortify him.Â
Choso is paralyzed, unable to move and his mouth barely managing to open to spit out any explanation, snaps shut again from the shame that crushes him.
But that shame turns to bewilderment when his eyes catch the subtle movement of your hand gathering a glob of his cum that slides down your cheek, with all the delicacy and grace that define you, and you play with it for a second between your fingers before opening your mouth and dipping the digits between your tongue. Choso's jaw drops to the floor and his breathing hastens again, his cursed technique going out of control once more, summoning blood to that still throbbing and extra-sensitive part.
Your pretty lips curve into a feline grin that makes him feel like your prey, and he swallows hard, clenching his fists to keep his body from shaking, when his eyes meet yours.
âIs this what you do when I go to work, sweetheart?â you ask, licking your lips to collect the cum resting there, âyou jerk off while looking at my graduation picture?â a flirtatious giggle escapes you when you specify, â...same picture where your little brother is, too, how dirty.â
Choso is a bundle of nerves, blood just keeps pooling where it shouldnât, heâs so hard and swollen that your eyes drop there almost automatically.
âIâll take care of cleaning everything-âÂ
You interrupt his apology, raising a finger to get his attention so he can see you, as you lift your pencil skirt up to your thighs and slowly settle yourself comfortably on top of his lap, nestling his cock between your warm stockinged thighs. Choso shivers and carefully as if asking for permission, let his large hands slide down those wide, inviting thighs.Â
ââŠHow about you start by cleaning me up first?â Your warm hand tangles around his firm erection and he growls low, âThen you get me dirty again,â you slide those fingers up and down on his stiffness in shameless incitement and smile when notice his eyes roll back his skull, âand we repeat it all until dawn.â
âYesyesyesyesyes, whatever my girl wants-âŠâ the words rush from his mouth, ââŠjust one request,â an eyebrow rises on your face, and he grins, warm and almost, shyly. âMay I see the tattoo of my lips again?â
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SUGURU GETO
âDo you⊠Do you really like it, Suguru?â You ask, lolling your head forward and humming when his fingers slowly travel up and unclasp your bra, the last barrier you have left to cover yourself. Every little breathy sound you make comes ragged and soiled with a mix of uncertainty and excitement.
âWay too much, baby,â his low voice carefully admits from above you. âI donât know why you hid it from me in the first place. Donâtâdonât do that. You donât have to. EVER.â
Your breathing keeps picking up when he keeps trailing his hands around either side of your now naked torso, running the tips of his fingers down your ribs and slowly tracing the curve of your breast, letting the pads of his fingers memorize the shape of his tattooed lips on your skin.
âTake off the rest of your clothes,â Suguru whisper, quite suddenly emboldened by his growing need. The gentle caresses pause at the very top of perked nipple, holding there for a second while he seems to think about it. âPlease, donât make me repeat myself.â
Soon his touch lifts away and he appreciates the sound your hands make, as those little limbs make haste in follow his request, the muffled shuffling of fabric being stripped of your skin somewhere close by and the soft noise it makes dropping to the floor, close to erotic to the first-grade sorcerer. And then suddenlyâ
âOh, Godââ you breathe, nearly melting into the seat of his school office when large, warm palms meet your skin and slowly start to ride the curve of your neck and collarbone downwards. Dammit, why does it feel so good?  Suguru Geto smirks, like the knowing devil that he is. âDo my hands feel amazing, baby? Itâs just two palms, ten fingers-â
 ââŠ. But theyâre so strong and raspy and bigâŠ.â Your mouth babbles unrestrainedly, âtouch me more, GetoâŠ.â
One palm butterfly out across your breast and you moan, lewdly loud. âIf Director Yaga hears, Iâm going to be so fired, pretty.â
âS-SorryâŠâÂ
Dipping and squeezing the soft, pillowy flesh of your boobs, Suguru Geto stares down at you, drinking every emotion and expression he can rip out of you. âHoâfuck, like that.â Your approval is everything to him.
âI know,â Suguru murmurs, his voice ocean-deep and scraping across the shell of your eager ear when he leans closer from his privileged height to press one bended knee to the chair, right in between your thighs. He lets one hand drift down into the space he created and rub circles on the moist mound of flesh there, as his other hand comes up to cradle your chin, urging you to stretch your neck up and long for him. âYou look so pretty like thisâ all naked and horny for me.â
âSomeone might come in, lock the doorâŠâ you breathe in protest, remembering your shy nature, and he ignores you, slowly dragging his palm down your trembling slit.
âYou don't get a tattoo as sensual as that, if you don't want everyone to drool after you,â he says, and youâre helpless to stop the embarrassing way your knees suddenly jerk farther apart when his hand moves to press a fat finger on your clit. â⊠Showing all the monkeys how sexy you are, and then showing them that you belong ONLY to me.â Â
And then he squeeeezes your bundle of nerves, and your hips nearly come off the seat with it.
Nothing else exists besides your boyfriendâs pair of hands now gripping the bottom of the chair, to position your body closer to him. You hear yourself take exactly one shaky breath before his arms suddenly slithered under your knees, hauling you forward. Your lower back dips in at the angle, your pelvis now jutted out and propped up by the edge of the seat. Â
Suguru Geto licks his lips as if he as if a banquet were being presented to him and the following is him lowering himself to the floor in front of you, running those deliciously strong palms up the length of your thighs. Your new position encourages you to spread your legs wider for him.
âI think my lips, tattooed here,â his long, cascading loose hair caresses the inner skin of your thighs as he leans down to the lower curve of your tummy and places a soft, warm kiss, âwould look great, as well.â
âY-You think?âÂ
Your quivering lips exhale at the feeling of his hot, plump lips meeting your feverish skin, and hearing the sound of his breath hitch at the visual you give him, goosebumps spread all youâre your body. Â
âI know it,â He promises, opening you up wider, subtly moving himself closer into the gap and letting you cradle his torso with your knees.
âMine to feast on, mine to pamper,â the special grade sorcerer rumbles quietly, his grip on your thighs tightening as he licks his lips, hungrier. âSo, mine toâŠÂ own.â
ââŠ.-Own?â
And then youâre abruptly cut off by your own gasp when a soft, dexterous tongue slowly envelopes your clit. His lips slick between your folds as his rogue tongue flicks out like hot velvet to flutter greedily over your clit, humming low in his throat as he eats you with unreserved gluttony.
âFuck, this is heaven. This is fucking heaven,â he rumbles against your sloppy pussy, âmy sweet girl laying with her legs open and letting me eat her after Iâm done giving classesââŠ.â Â
âSu-SuguâŠÂ oh, fuckââ Your words are barely discernible through the pleasure, deformed by the sound of your breaths and gasps. âDoâDo you think someone can h-hear us?â
Suguru smirk is swallow by your folds and his snicker muffled by his need to keep eating you to even let you know that a six eyes user had been spying from the other side of the door since you started.Â
âNoones at the school at these hours but us teachers, baby. Donât worry your pretty head.âÂ
His fingers curl against your thighs, his tongue swirling gentle circles around your swollen clit as he sinks two of his thick fingers deep inside your cunt. Both of your hands thrust out without thinking and snatch at his loose raven mane, fingers burying themselves into thick waves of hair. âOhâf-fuckââ
He makes a rough little growl into your warmth every time you tug on his hair, and you tug every time, he pulls his fingers out and then pushes them back in again, until it becomes a vicious circle where both do that steadily, over and over until youâre sweating, hips arching up and doing everything you can to entice him to hurry the fuck up.
Suguru snickers again at your impatience, instead, heâs unbelievably slow, continuing to lick his hot tongue through your folds as his eager finger fuck you, so utterly patient and steadfast, learning the right notes to drive you crazy.
âYou are close, arenât you, dove?â he flicks that wicked tongue applying more pressure to your abused clit, âsomethingâs beginning to burn in your core, I can see the cursed energy spreading threateningly along the muscles in your pelvis.â Suguru narrated what he felt with his own cursed energy, without a doubt the out-looker seeing the same as he was, just in HD. âIt rises through your abdomen like unstoppable wave, seeps down into your knees and wraps around them. Your breathing is getting shallower, the base of your lungs suddenly feels too cramped by the oncoming explosion. I know, baby, just let it happen, donât hold back. You can squirt on my face. Iâm eager for you to baptize me on your fountain of loveââ Â
âStop it, Suguru⊠Iâm-Iâm notâŠ. I will notâŠ.âÂ
Your resistance is nothing but amusing to him, this is your nemesis. You hate how sensitive you are, how easy your boyfriends read you and undoes you with his mere tongue, you hate that squirting jet that makes your toes curl and your eyes blank, but once itâs over, makes you very aware of the mess you made.
Suguru finally speeds up, and that rock steady display of ferocity makes you want to cry.
ââI-Iâm gonna cum,â you breathe, everything inside pulling up fierce and tight, your chest heaving and your grip in his hair turning to iron. ââOh, fuck, Iâm g-gonna cumâI-Iââ
A quiet mhmmm sound rumbles low in gentle encouragement, and then he takes a second to softly suck on your clit to push you over the edge. His fingers curl, press up hard against something absolutely fucking devastating inside you, Suguru Geto knows you so well is almost unfair, and bite your lip is all you can do to stifle a sob when your body suddenly erupts in searing burning ecstasy.
Your back arches and you cum in his mouth, wailing his name while he groans raggedly and drags you through it. Itâs hot and wet, in equal parts chaos and bliss. Youâre still trying to calm your breathing when a gentle softness presses against your lips, mindful of rewarding you with as much love as he can profess in one single, chaste kiss. Itâs over way too soon though, and by the time you open your eyes again, you blearily blink them at him. Heâs already standing, impeccable and not one strand of raven hair out of place. A swift smirk curving his lips while his stare never strays from your destroyed persona, heaving and sweating and naked in a public place. Fuck! He adores you so much.
âAre you hungry?â He eventually asks looking straight ahead instead of you, the low frequency of his natural voice not masked anymore by his arousal.
You blink up at him twice, still slouched over the seat butt-naked, trying to figure out who is he talking to, all your clothes spread around his desk and the floor when you hear some familiar voice answer from the other side of the door.
âStarving.â
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RYOMEN SUKUNA
The euphoric sway of his hips meeting yours should be an affront to the natural order, your boyfriend, Ryomen Sukuna, had been maintaining the same rhythm, precision and firmness in each thrust for more than forty minutes.Â
You are cockdrunk, you donât remember your own name, only his. Which comes out of your trembling lips in pieces or unfinished syllables. Your mind is a mess, a rabid mess of hormones and pleasure, but your insides are the most affected, making you endure mini-orgasm after mini-orgasm that shake your frame violently, leaving all your muscles exhausted and sweaty. Breathing ragged, face pressed against the sheets of his bed and your wrists swallowed by his large hands against the firm mattress, while he introduced you again and again to your new deity, his thick cock, which seemed just as hard and ready to continue making a mess of you.Â
ââŠIâm sure youâll think twice about pulling a stunt like that again now, wonât you, princess?â
Although his voice was breathless, it was still firm and solid, not like your pathetic moans.
âIâŠI thought youâd-âŠthat youâd like it, Kuna-...â That sentence trailed from your half-open lips, between a sigh and a moan as he changed the angle to hit that spot of nerves inside you that made you see stars.
âI know you meant well but it was still unacceptable,â your boyfriend scolds you again, and a delicious shiver runs down your spine as his hands abandons your wrists in order to better hook on either side of your hip. The mere sensation of his thick fingers digging into your soft skin makes you cum again. "Fuck- you squeeze me so good, baby..." he praises, plunging his massive cock deeper into your quivering hole just to draw out more sensations, "-.... shit! If I cum again, are you going to keep it warm for me inside your tummy, princess?"
"Kuna, yes, always..." you moan into the sheets miserably, "don't stay mad at me, please, my love-"
"I loved the tattoo of my lips on your under-boob, don't doubt that" he affirms, firm thrusts clapping his midsection with yours, like giving his stamina a cheer. "But I HATED the fact that some guy had to do it. Don't you know any female tattoo artists, Isn't this the era of women's empowerment?"
You crawl forward and he catches you before you can shift positions. "Kuna, baby... let me ride you, so I can control the speed... I can't cum again-"
"I. Don't. care." He replies, skewering you again on his veiny, thick piece of meat that still feels like stone. "I'll put it in you as fast as I want and as long as I want until you learn your lesson-"
"Which is?"
"You, cocky little thing." He chuckles and emphasizes each word with a thrust. "Nobody. Touches. You. But. ME! Just ME."
âMine.â Thrust, âMine~â thrust, thrust, thrust, âMINE.â Thrustthrustthrustthrustthrustthrustâ
Sukuna doesnÂŽt hold himself back, even after he comes for the sixth time, he keeps going.
Slipping in and out of you, still rock hard, twisting you uncaringly in all kinds of positions and surfaces that his room provides, just fucking his cum inside you with every unpunished thrust.
You are tired, you are actually exhausted, you are emotional-... and you are drained.
ââI'm yours, just yours... hands off, w-world.... just y-yours~â
His hips stop, finally halting all movement when you give him what he's looking for, he just wants to hear that over and over again from your quivering lips and raspy throat, he just wants you to say it again. Maybe you should tattoo that as well.
Making you come one last glorious and almost painful time. Your naked body is left, used, sweaty and worn but warmly and safely wrapped in his arms. A huge smirk on his lips before he kisses your eyelids, so you open them again and once again you do.
"Now that we got that out of the way, let me see it again..." Sukuna asks, gently squeezing your tattooed boob inside his large palm, letting his eyes scan each patch of skin and how well he marked you with little hints of hickeys and teeth. "...I think we can play twister with every mark I left on your body," he snickers amused, "...but let's start with those lips on your breast."
âJerk.â
He grins, satisfied. Hugging you harder to plaster your form closer to him, squeezing that sassy grin out of your pretty face.
CLICK HERE FOR THE NSFW ART FOR THIS DRABBLE đ„”
#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk smut#jjk drabbles#jjk x reader#satoru gojo x reader#ryomen sukuna x reader#suguru geto x reader#nanami kento x reader#choso kamo x reader#gojo x reader#suguru geto#suguru x reader#nanami kento#nanami x reader#sukuna ryomen#sukuna x reader#choso x reader#choso smut#choso kamo#geto x reader#geto suguru#geto smut#gojo satoru#sukuna smut#nanami smut#gojo smut#jujutsu kaisen headcanons#jujustsu kaisen x reader
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Hi there! Iâm not sure if your still taking requests, but I would love to know your thoughts on how Lorenzo, Theo, Draco, Mattheo, and Tom would react to their s/o wearing their hoodie/sweater. I was thinking headcanons or a Drabble but anything would be great! I really love writing and hope you feel inspired to write even more soon!
Wearing Their Clothes | Slytherin Boys
type :: fluff
tw/cw :: calling theo a man whore, calling enzo a twink,
contains :: draco, tom, mattheo, theodore, lorenzo
notes :: inspired by uhh, nothing really - this prompt has been in my draft for ages and i finallyyyy finished it - THANK YOU to everyone who sends requests, I'm finally getting to them
DRACO MALFOY
When you complained about being cold, he instantly started lecturing you
"I told you it would get cold but your little pea brain didn't process that"
But while he's lecturing you, he's taking off his jumper and handing it to you
It smells like him and it's super soft
He only buys the best material for his clothes, because duhhh
He lets you wear it until you're somewhere warm
Although he loves you, he loves his jumper more
But he does sacrifice some of his jumpers by letting you wear them because, he hates to admit it, but you look super cute in his clothes
TOM RIDDLE
He watches you shiver for a few minutes until he decides to offer his jacket
You could literally be turning blue but he won't offer his jacket until he feels like it
He sighs, as if you asked for his jacket, and drapes his jacket around your shoulders
And guess what,,, he even ZIPS IT UP FOR YOU
AHHHH
Even though he's a dickhead at times, he's still a gentleman
When you put on his jacket, he slightly smirks at how big it is on you
Not cause you're cute, but because it makes him feel powerful to know he's bigger
MATTHEO RIDDLE
Is so so happy when he sees you out in the cold during his quidditch match
He's beaming and passes by you in the bleachers for a quick second as he throws his spare jersey in your arms
When you put it on, you smell his sweat and musk
Which would smell disgusting to some but to you, that's your boy :)
During his game, he glances over at you and smiles when he sees you wearing it
It helps push him to win even more
THEODORE NOTT
Sadly, Theo is a man-whore
Meaning he is always serving cunt,,, meaning he rarely wears jackets or sweaters
So if you're cold,,, so is he
Buttt on the lucky chance he is actually wearing a jacket and hiding his muscles, he doesn't hesitate to give you his jacket
And his jackets are 10 times better because not only is it always great material, clean, but it's also stylish
He always takes pictures of you when you wear his jacket, it makes him feel so happy and giddy
It kinda inspires him to try and style outfits for you to wear
Possibly plans matching outfits, that way if you get cold and he needs to give you his jacket - it will match both of you :)
This man is a THINKER!!! mwah
LORENZO BERKSHIRE
This man is a twig, twink, pocket sized
He will fly away in the wind like a napkin
BUT luckily, he loves getting massively oversized hoodies
It smells like the woods, a hint of lavender, but mostly fresh grass and sunlight is his scent
He loves to cool and comfy looks it gives - always gets a cool ass design on it as well
When you borrow his hoodies, he gets so giddy
He loves it so much since it's like he's claiming you in a way
Similar to how you leave hair ties, claw clips, and extra lip glosses all over his room
Definitely stacks up on big hoodies, that way you have a bunch of options to choose from
Even gets you guys matching designs in different colors
#slytherin boys#draco malfoy#draco malfoy x reader#tom riddle#tom riddle x reader#mattheo riddle#mattheo riddle x reader#theodore nott#theodore nott x reader#lorenzo berkshire#lorenzo berkshire x reader#slytherin x reader#slytherin headcanons#harry potter#harry potter x reader
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